Category Archives: Parenting

Jun21

4 Reasons Parents Should Get A Life

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Yes, folks, it is that time again!  The time of the week when I drop a few words over at my home away from home – aka: ParentSociety.com.  Today I am talking about why all parents – yes, myself included – should Get a Life!

It starts out something like this:

Becoming a first-time mom late in life means two things:  First, my grandkids will have a super cool walker to climb on and second, I had an activity-filled life before my kids ever came along. For me, this included many aspects of theater and performing. However, I always knew when I became parent, I wanted to give my kids full and undivided attention. So when the kiddos came along, I put those extracurricular activities on hold.

But, then things changed and no, I did not “run off to join a geriatric production of “CATS”…or worse.  As usual, you will just have to go HERE to get the rest of the story and of course the 4 “pearls of wisdom” as to why as parents, we should all Get a Life!

4 Reasons All Parents Should Get a Life!

Jun20

Today’s Best Moment: Wednesday, 6/20

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I am having trouble keeping up with work and writing this summer. Could it be that I am doing too much of this…? One can only ponder.

Jun12

Today’s Best Moment: Tuesday, 6/12

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Today’s Best Moment is a different one – for me here at Sweet Spot anyway.  Today’s moment is about being thankful.  Thankful  I only had to read about the information in my recent article on ParentSociety.com and not live it first hand.  Thankful my kids are healthy, happy and strong.  Thankful I can talk to my kids about the difficult choices and dangers they will face out  in the world.

I know I usually write what I like to think are informative, yet humor-infused articles. However, I wanted to deviate from my normal light-hearted approach to write something regarding a new designer drug called bath salts. Why? Because up until a few days ago, I had never even heard of this horrific new synthetic drug and as a parent, that scared the puffin’ stuff out of me…

I reasoned that maybe I was not the only parent ignorant until recently of this scary new creation.  If you want to know more go here to read.

“Am I The Only Parent Who Never Heard of Bath Salts?“

Jun5

Take Us to Warp Speed, Scotty

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I love baseball. However, baseball can be a difficult sport to watch your kids play.  Why?  Because, duh, it is so stinking slow!  As you sit in the stands, it can be like slowly ripping-off-your-fingernails type torture anticipating how your kid will hit, field, pitch, catch, throw etc.  When games are fast paced, such as soccer or basketball, my ability to follow and efficiently understand what is going on takes an extended vacation. Thus, the torture-fest factor is severely reduced. In fact, I am thoroughly convinced if the speed of a kid’s baseball game could be increased oh, say tenfold, all my problems would be solved (Take us to warp speed, Scotty!).

Every season when I can no longer take the gut wrenching apprehension, I call the one person I can count on to tell me I am being ridiculous, my Dad.  I mean really, who better to tell you how stupid you are being and give advice than Dad – it’s in the job description, right there along with “remind kids to get their car oil changed”.

After many a baseball season, my Dad is ready when my yearly call arrives.  His effective responses usually go something like this:  “It’s just a game”, “calm down”, “you worry too much”, “Baseball is full of ups and downs”, “Baseball is slow” (got that one figured out) “Keep saying to yourself ‘Relax and Enjoy’”.

“Got it, Ok Dad, I’ll try”, I answer.

Relax and Enjoy.

I repeated this phrase as I drove to my son’s baseball game that very night.

Relax and Enjoy.

At the game, in the stands, I chanted it repetitively (to myself, of course, so no one near me would think I had finally gone all bag lady or something).

Relax and Enjoy.

The game was a close.

Relax and Enjoy.

My son’s team began to slip behind.

Relax and Enjoy.

My son struggled at bat.

Relax and Enjoy.

Then, my new found meditative repose was challenged when a particularly, shall we say “prolific”, opposing team Dad began to bellow, in as loud a voice as you can possibly imagine (think Quidditch announcer in Harry Potter),

“PARTY AT HOME PLATE BOYS, PARTY AT HOME PLATE”

Over and over and yep, over again.

“PARTY AT HOME PLATE BOYS, PARTY AT HOME PLATE!!”

In fairness, parents of both teams were cringing and pretending he was some stranger who just happened to stop by on his way to catch the Crazy Train.

“PARTY AT HOME PLATE BOYS, PARTY AT HOME PLATE!!”

My stress level began to rise. I could just feel the belly fat taking hold (for clarification on that, Go here). My mind began to race…

Could anyone possibly have a straight jacket in their car, handy for just such a situation?

“PARTY AT HOME PLATE BOYS, PARTY AT HOME PLATE!!”

Muzzle?

PARTY AT HOME PLATE BOYS, PARTY AT HOME PLATE!!”

Tranquilizer gun? (Honestly, where I live I might have had luck with this one!)

PARTY AT HOME PLATE BOYS, PARTY AT HOME PLATE!!”

Moms unite – I think we can take him!

“PARTY AT HOME PLATE BOYS, PARTY AT HOME PLATE!!”

And then in a shining moment, my son, like a little lightning-fast,  blond headed Yadier Molina, tagged out a runner trying to “join the party”, making the final out of the inning.

I turned to fellow team parents next to me.

“Party Cancelled”, I mumbled.

They laughed, and I laughed.  In fact, it still makes me laugh thinking about it.

My son’s team didn’t win the game. But it was ok.

And even though I am not giving up hope on the whole Warp Speed idea (where is Scotty when you need him?), I think I will survive if I can just remember to – Relax and Enjoy, and of course, Laugh.

May30

My Kids Are Stressing Me Out!

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I know, I know, we all have stress.  However, in my most recent article over at ParentSociety.com today entitled “My Kids Are Stressing Me Out!”, I share a discovery made about stress you really don’t want to miss.

Just to be nice (because, that is just the way I am) here is how the tale begins!

I was browsing through a magazine recently when I came across this statement:

“Too much stress can slow your metabolism, causing you to gain weight in your midsection.”

Allow me to translate: “Stress gives you belly fat.”

Honestly, “them’s fightin’ words”…

Now, you will have to Go HERE to find out what I plan to do about it!

Thank you to all the friends & family who were coerced into being  helped out by being a  part of my survey in the writing of this article!

May25

Word-Up: Show Me Your Weenus

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I knew it!  I feared the day would come – the moment when I would finally be presented with undeniable proof I was failing as a parent.  I wanted to deny it, but the evidence was right there staring me in the face.  Clearly, I was raising a depraved sociopath.

You know the age old story, in the aftermath of a sociopath’s identification, when the neighbors wax poetic for the press?  Statements of disbelief such as:  “But, they were such a nice family”…  “Never heard a peep out of them”…”mostly kept to themselves”…”They had a lot of garden gnomes.”

Right, well, I could just see the entire future unfolding. How had it come to this?

You see, last weekend as we drove endlessly in the car from one activity to another, the irrefutable proof of my impending catastrophe occurred. I don’t know, maybe my kids were bored.  And what is it ‘they’ say?  Boredom is the devil’s playground?  Boredom is the Mother of Invention?  Either way, from the depths of the backseat, my son called out,

“Mom, I scraped my weenus, could you put a band aide on it?”

What?!

Before I could even process his statement, the situation deteriorated further. Apparently, my parental fiasco was farther reaching than just one dissolute sociopath as both boys continued in a flourish of depravity.

“Mom, my weenus is exposed”.

“I need some sunscreen for my weenus”.

“Hey, get your weenus out of my face”.

“Look, my weenus is all wrinkled”.

“I am going to touch you with my weenus”.

“I have the weirdest weenus, want to see?”.

The situation seemed dire at best.

But then, just as I was getting ready to take preventative action (you can google for a psychotherapist, right?), I was saved.  In the nick of time, I was informed by my little backseat degenerates their particular word “weenus” came with its own specific definition. However, just to be sure (and to have proof for possible future penal encounters – ha, get it?), I googled it myself- lo and behold:

According to Urban Dictionary: “Weenus is the flap of skin on your elbow”.

Sigh of relief.  Apparently I am not raising a couple of depraved sociopaths, just a couple of depraved smart alecks.

But that I can live with, proudly.

For more word abuse, check out these earlier posts!

Word-Up:  Poop

Word-Up: Opus Anyone?

Word-Up: Get a Yob!

May23

Are You One of “Those” Parents?

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Yes, it is that time of the week, again.  Time to stroll on over to ParentSociety.com and check out my latest article “I Just Don’t Need My Kids to be Phenomenal” (if you would be so kind).  You might say it is a continuation, or short conclusion to my last venture “6 Kinds of Sports Parent: Which are you?”.  Ok, ok, here is the teaser…

Why must our kids be phenomenal?

Don’t get me wrong: My kids are amazing! From the moment they made their first spit bubble, everything they did, said, accomplished, or pooped out was remarkable … to me. And this, in my opinion, is exactly as it should be.

But sometimes…

Go here to read the rest.  Did I mention it is short? I just had to get in the last word.  That is so like me…

May17

What Kind of Sports Parent Are You?

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Do you have kids in sports.  Do you know parents who have kids in sports?  Do you plan to someday have kids in sports? Or, do you just like to laugh at parents who have kids in sports?

Well then, you should read my latest article on ParentSociety.com,  called “6 Kinds of Sports Parents. Which are you?”
and take my Sports Parent Quiz.

Now, some of you may be familiar with the post I wrote  at the start of my kids’ baseball season “Bulldogs Don’t Wear Lipstick” where I vowed to be a good better Sport Mom. But recently, I have had the desire to really examine the sports parent phenomenon – what makes a good sports parent, and what makes a nightmare one.

The article starts with the study that initially intrigued me:

I read a study recently where hundreds of college athletes, over 30 years time, were polled with the question: “What is your worst memory from playing youth and high school sports?”

The overwhelming answer was: “The ride home from the games with my parents.”

Those same college athletes were also asked what gave them joy and made them feel good during or after a game. The most common answer was their parents saying…

Ha – cliffhanger!  You will  have to go  HERE to find out the answer and hopefully, take my quiz.

Are you scared?  Don’t worry.  It will be fun.  I have always found it is good to laugh at yourself…this way, the people laughing at you have company.

Oh, and be sure to come back here and tell me how you scored! Pretty please with sugar,  chocolate and peanut butter on top?

May10

Teen Talk, Episode #1

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stick figures

Comic by K

We now interrupt our regularly scheduled program to bring you the first installment of Teen Talk.  Be assured, everything you are about to hear is real and unedited.  Please, do not try this at home.

One day at the Walgreens checkout…

Mom:  “Teen, could you please carry the bag?”

Teen:  (picks up bag) “Why do I have to carry the bag?”

Mom:  “Because, you are a guy, and guys carry things for girls.”

Teen:  “Oh.”

Mom: “Except a girl’s purse.  You don’t have to carry a girl’s purse.”

Teen:  “Right, there is no need for that kind of shame until you’re married!”

The end

For more views by Teen Go Here: Teen Talk

Apr27

Have a Little Faith

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“Why I Should Have Had More Faith in My Son”  is my post today on ParentSociety.com.

When your son comes home with a bad Mid-Quarter Progress Report, how do you react? My thought processes go something like this:

In that moment, I could see my son’s whole future pass before my eyes: receives bad mid-term progress report grade– fails class – flunks out of school – starts to drink – begins dating biker chick with facial hair – turns to drugs – discovers online poker – resorts to begging for change outside a 7 Eleven. 

But recently, I learned how to have a little more faith in my son, and myself.  Go here to read the rest if you want to know how.  It’s big, I tell you, HUGE.  Well, not really, but it’s got a good beat, and you can dance to it.

Go read now!  “Why I Should Have Had More Faith in My Son”

Apr23

DodgeBall State of Mind

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In my testosterone driven household, sports are played & watched, hygiene is an afterthought, all bodily functions are hysterical, weapons are coveted, shadow punching serves as a greeting, and,

Movie one liners are viewed as the cures to all that ails you.

Seriously, gone are the days when I could just watch a movie and forget about it.  Now, due to the uncanny ability of my boys to remember every funny line in a movie, I now relive movies in a whole new way.  You see, not only do they recall every bit of humorous dialog, but they then proceed to plagiarize them incessantly – weaving them into our daily conversations in the name of comic relief.  Apparently, my house is in need of a tremendous amount of relief.

Over the years, favorites have developed.  For an excuse in a multitude of situations, nothing works better than “I would do that (dive off a waterfall) if I didn’t have diarrhea” from Club Paradise.

And, to deflect from an embarrassing situation, “I find everyone’s pain funny but my own…I’m French” from Flushed Away is always the perfect.

And, even though it is actually from a play, the line “If we can’t kill it, it’s immortal” from A Tuna Christmas, well, is just plain funny.

Recently, however, our world has become ensconced in the prolific one liners from the movie DodgeBall (with Vince Vaughn and Ben Stiller).  If you have never seen it let me assure you, it is jammed packed with all kinds of adolescent boy humor goodness. It seems no matter what the life situation, a DodgeBall snippet of dialog is just the ticket to smoothing things over and offering meaningful advice.  You doubt me?

Allow me to demonstrate:

For confronting challenges:

“If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball”

For conveying revenge:

“Nobody makes me bleed my own blood.  Nobody!”

For expressing disgust:

“I just threw up in my mouth a little bit”

For bolstering confidence:

“My gym has shareholders, your gym doesn’t even have cup holders!”

And to take confidence to the next level:

“Here at Global Gym we’re better than you and we know it”

For snappy comebacks:

Statement:  “I’m off the clock”

Response: “How convenient for you…and the clock!”

…and the best in my humble opinion,

For facing difficulties:

“Necessary!  Is it necessary for me to drink my own urine?  No!  But, it’s sterile and I like the taste.”

Honestly, I don’t recommend it for the faint of heart…or easily offended.  But, for those wanting to indulge your adolescent side, laugh hysterically and gain a world of “good advice” in the process – well, DodgeBall might be right up your alley.

As for me, what can I say, I am a joiner and can never resist a good laugh. And, in my male dominated home, I have learned to never underestimate the power of a good one-liner!

In closing, I leave you a final DodgeBall one liner word of advice…

If you master the 5 D’s of Dodgeball, no amount of ‘balls’ can hit you – Dodge, Dip, Duck, Dive and Dodge.

Apr19

Is There Life After 40?

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Well, duh, I’m  not dead yet.  However, the term “It’s now or never” sure takes on a whole new meaning.  What do I mean?  Well, head on over to ParentSociety.com and read my latest article,  Is There Life After 40?,  to get  ‘the rest of the story’.

As a kid, I was once asked what age I considered old. I promptly replied, “40.” In my teenaged, eye-rolling mind, there was clearly no life after 40. I’ll just bet the adult who asked the question wanted to drop kick me into the next week…

You might just find out what Patrick Dempsey, hair dye and mini-vans have to do with turning 40.  Now how can you pass that up? Go here!

Is There Life After 40?

Apr16

10 Things I Just Don’t Understand

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I apologize in advance.  Seriously, this was not the post I set out to write.  Really, I just had to get these things out of my head before I could put anything decent on paper.  So, why share it?  Ah well, I guess I am just fearless in that way.

10 things I just don’t understand:

1.  Cheese in a can

What? Was someone afraid  whipped cream was having all the fun?

2.  Donald Trump’s hair

I mean really, how much  money bank loans does it take to hire a decent hair stylist?

3.  Crocs

Hey, what’s not to get, right…they are plastic, turned up at the tip like elf shoes and make your feet look so very sexy!

4.  Hairless Cats

They just look so cold…and shriveled.

5.  Parachute Pants

‘Cause, yeah, I want my thighs to look like watermelons- oh and while you are at it,  clad them in vibrant prints and colors, too!!

6.  Canned Asparagus

It should be illegal to torture a vegetable so.

7.  Bird Spiders

No spider should be so large it requires birds for sustenance.

8.  Cockroaches with wings

Some creatures have no business leaving the ground.

9.  Snooki on the Mom track

Duh, now everyone is going to want their own little ‘short n tan’.

10.  Cloth Diapers

I know, all you green parents will stomp me for this – but seriously, don’t we suffer enough as parents without having to launder poop and pee, too?

Ok.  Now that I have that off my chest, back to work.  Thanks for listening…

Apr11

Las Vegas Much?

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If you are planning to take your kids to Las Vegas anytime in the near future or you think I am off my rocker for even contemplating it, you might want to check out the Top 5 kid friendly and budget savvy tips we discovered on our recent trip to the flashy city over on ParentSociety.com today.

It starts like this:

When you think of Las Vegas, you probably don’t think of the words “kid-friendly” or “budget-savvy.” Well, it is a fact that almost everything costs a ton in Las Vegas, except the parking, which is always free. (How can you proceed to lose all your money in the casino if you can’t park your car?).

It is also true that on occasion you must instruct your kids to “quick, look up at the big tall building!”…

You will have to go here to find out why they have to look up (really, you need to know!) and get the  Top 5 Budget Kids’ Activities to Do in Las Vegas.

For more Sweet Spot Travels: Go Here!

Apr5

Today’s Best Moment: Thursday, April 5

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Photo By: Paula Danner

Photo by: Paula Danner

Devil’s Bridge – Sedona, Arizona

We had to hike to get there.  I didn’t even panic when they walked across.  Ok, that is a lie.  I did panic, a little. But man, it was cool.

The truth is, the best moment may very well have been afterwards,   playing football with them in the hotel pool. That was cool, too.

For more on this adventure, finding the bridge and living to tell about it –   Go Here!

For more Sweet Spot Travels: Go Here!

Apr2

10 Reasons I Forgot Your Birthday

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Today is my husbands birthday.  Last year, I (and my kids) completely forgot his birthday.  That’s right, no gift, no cruddy store bought card, no drawn picture, no recognition whatsoever – not even a gag gift.  Honestly, he wasn’t even that up-in-arms about it…which, of course, made us feel even more guilty.  He loves to laugh.  Therefore, we decided salvation from our  faux pas  was through humor.

We made him a list.  A very special list.  A list explaining how we, in our  individual ways, had very logical reasons excuses as to why his birthday had been forgotten.

Top 10 Reasons I/We Forgot Your Birthday

10.  I was abducted by aliens and they mind wiped one day from my memory… so, I will remember tomorrow.

9.  I have selective amnesia: also known as Spoucitus or Parentaphobia.

8.  It’s not my fault; I got my brain from you!

7.  What!!! I was doing you a favor by forgetting.

6.  Mama needed a new pair of shoes…dress…shirt… well, you get the idea.

5.  The devil made me do it.

4.  My underwear was too tight.

3.  Pick up shirts from the dry cleaners… (oops, wrong list).

2.  I was busy documenting a Big Foot sighting (which, unfortunately, turned out to be just a really hairy guy from down the street).

And the number one reason  your birthday was forgotten…

1.  I would have remembered if I didn’t have diarrhea.

This year for my husbands birthday, we bought him a tie.  Actually, this year for his birthday we are taking him on a trip – which will be memorable and fun.  However, I have a feeling he may stand by his sentiment expressed after reading our pitiful excuses for forgetting last years birthday.

“That was the best birthday present you could have given me”.

Sometimes, it is just that simple.

Mar29

Top 5 Mysteries of Parenting

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The fun continues on ParentSociety.com where my latest article “Top 5 Mysteries of Parenting” went live today.  It starts out like this:

Mysteries are a part of life. True mysterious occurrences are, all at once, puzzling, unexplainable, and strange. As a young person I obsessed over anomalies such as: Did it really say “Paul is dead” when a Beatles song was played backwards? And would the bad guys on Scooby Doo really have gotten away with it “if it wasn’t for those meddling kids?” As I matured, I moved on to more perplexing mysteries such as: How did they get those massive statues on Easter Island up and standing in a row? Is Jim Morrison really alive and well roaming the streets of Paris, incognito, looking like  Grizzly Adams? And,  Donald Trump’s hair (need I say more)?

But then, I discovered the mysteries of parenting…

Go here find out the  Top 5 Mysteries of Parenting that baffle me most.  Hint – it has something to do with Teeth, Knives and the Uterine Homing Device…

Mar26

Today’s Best Moment: Monday, March 26

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I took my kids to see The Hunger Games.

But oh, we didn’t just see the movie.  We discussed casting, disagreed on plot changes, analyzed adjusted content, evaluated screenplay adaptation, laughed at The Hunger Pains parody,  fought over  necessity of added scenes, pondered future installments, reviewed overall success, and considered Lenny’s gold eyeliner.

The movie was good.  The after part was the best.

Mar22

Fear of Full Disclosure

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“How Much Should I Tell My Kids About My Wild Youth?”

My latest article on ParentSociety.com  is out.  Want a little sample?

I know the day is coming, soon.  I know as sure as Lindsay Lohan will end up in court again, the day is coming when my fear of full disclosure will be realized.  The day when I get asked personal questions by my curious teenage boys that I, on the one hand do not want to lie about, but at the same time do not want to fully disclose either.  And, in the interest of proper parenting – I mean, you have start some time, right –  I must know how to handle the moment and I need help!

Let me explain. Getting married and becoming a first time Mom in my 30’s meant two things…

All choices have consequences.  Go here to find out why my choices may mean looking as old (and just as hairy) as Dumbledore.

“How Much Should I Tell My Kids About My Wild Youth?“