As a kid, I shared a bathroom with 3 male persons – my older brothers. I think it is safe to say I had no bathroom rights whatsoever!
As an adult, in a sick sort of twisted symmetry, I found myself again sharing a bathroom with 3 male persons – my husband and two sons. Only this time it was worse, because now I had to clean shared bathroom, too!
One day, I had a revelation! I could take action against this injustice and make a play for bathroom solidarity. One fact in particular made this feat possible: we (my family) are just not that popular! Aside from my parents and an occasional niece/nephew, no one really comes to stay at our house (kid sleepovers don’t count). Meaning, our “Guest Bathroom” remained polished, pristine and virtually unused.
Thus, one day I gathered all of my makeup, lotions and female accoutrement and laid full, autonomous claim to “Guest Bathroom” real-estate – heretofore to be referred to as “My Bathroom”.
It was nice. In My Bathroom, My Towel luxuriously lounged on the rack by itself. My Sink was toothpaste glob free. My Color Safe Shampoo had its own special place. No one ever used My Soap. And for the first time in family life, I had Bathroom Privacy!
Then one day, I noticed something strange. In the corner of My Shower/Tub there suddenly stood a bottle of 3D Dial for Men Liquid Soap. Alarms began to ring in my head – “Danger Will Robinson, Danger!” Very soon after, I noticed non color safe shampoo had joined the vagrant 3D Dial soap. And then without warning, My Towel lost its solitary status on the towel rack.
You see my teenage son in his usual “skys the limit” mentality had decided My Bathroom paradise looked pretty darn appealing. All attempts to evict him from My Bathroom and send him back to Boy’s Bathroom were futile and unsuccessful. But even still, I maintained hope of somehow warding off a complete hostile foreign takeover. That is, until today.
Today, the unthinkable happened. Today, he made his migration permanent. As I was blow drying my hair in the corner of My Bathroom, in he marched. Confidently, he went straight to My Medicine Cabinet and proceeded to locate a place for his Old Spice Champion Scented “Believe in Your Smellf” Deodorant (I kid you not). Of course, the cabinet shelves were already fully occupied by my makeup, lotions and female accoutrements. However, never one to be deterred by pesky minor details, my son finally settled on front and center, prime product placement. (See photo illustrative proof above!).
I started to protest! How could he intrude on my squatter rights bathroom tyranny? I could feel all my new bathroom perks slipping away. I had to strategize quickly. The words began to form in my head. I prepared to make my final stand!!
But then a thought occurred to me. In five years he will be 18. In five years, I won’t be hassling him about toothpaste globs in the sink. In five years we won’t be jockeying for cabinet space, shower times and towel rack rights.
And when that day comes… I’ll wish so very much we were.
So, “My Bathroom”, formally known as “Guest Bathroom”, is now officially referred to as “Our Bathroom”.