Monthly Archives: April 2012

Have a Little Faith

Standard

“Why I Should Have Had More Faith in My Son”  is my post today on ParentSociety.com.

When your son comes home with a bad Mid-Quarter Progress Report, how do you react? My thought processes go something like this:

In that moment, I could see my son’s whole future pass before my eyes: receives bad mid-term progress report grade– fails class – flunks out of school – starts to drink – begins dating biker chick with facial hair – turns to drugs – discovers online poker – resorts to begging for change outside a 7 Eleven. 

But recently, I learned how to have a little more faith in my son, and myself.  Go here to read the rest if you want to know how.  It’s big, I tell you, HUGE.  Well, not really, but it’s got a good beat, and you can dance to it.

Go read now!  “Why I Should Have Had More Faith in My Son”

Advertisements

Today’s Best Moment: Thursday, 4/26

Standard

What?  Hold on, hold on –  folding a mountain of laundry was NOT  Today’s Best Moment because that would be well, sad and completely crazy.

No, the best moment was when I walked into the still-being-renovated-for-10-years laundry room, saw this toppling heap of laundry and literally laughed out loud.  You know the kind of laughter when your nearby sleeping cat, upon hearing your outburst,  looks up at you like you are a complete and utter moron?  Yep, one of those.

Sometimes, those moments are what get me through the day.  And, I think my cat  lives for them, too.

DodgeBall State of Mind

Standard

In my testosterone driven household, sports are played & watched, hygiene is an afterthought, all bodily functions are hysterical, weapons are coveted, shadow punching serves as a greeting, and,

Movie one liners are viewed as the cures to all that ails you.

Seriously, gone are the days when I could just watch a movie and forget about it.  Now, due to the uncanny ability of my boys to remember every funny line in a movie, I now relive movies in a whole new way.  You see, not only do they recall every bit of humorous dialog, but they then proceed to plagiarize them incessantly – weaving them into our daily conversations in the name of comic relief.  Apparently, my house is in need of a tremendous amount of relief.

Over the years, favorites have developed.  For an excuse in a multitude of situations, nothing works better than “I would do that (dive off a waterfall) if I didn’t have diarrhea” from Club Paradise.

And, to deflect from an embarrassing situation, “I find everyone’s pain funny but my own…I’m French” from Flushed Away is always the perfect.

And, even though it is actually from a play, the line “If we can’t kill it, it’s immortal” from A Tuna Christmas, well, is just plain funny.

Recently, however, our world has become ensconced in the prolific one liners from the movie DodgeBall (with Vince Vaughn and Ben Stiller).  If you have never seen it let me assure you, it is jammed packed with all kinds of adolescent boy humor goodness. It seems no matter what the life situation, a DodgeBall snippet of dialog is just the ticket to smoothing things over and offering meaningful advice.  You doubt me?

Allow me to demonstrate:

For confronting challenges:

“If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball”

For conveying revenge:

“Nobody makes me bleed my own blood.  Nobody!”

For expressing disgust:

“I just threw up in my mouth a little bit

For bolstering confidence:

“My gym has shareholders, your gym doesn’t even have cup holders!”

And to take confidence to the next level:

“Here at Global Gym we’re better than you and we know it”

For snappy comebacks:

Statement:  “I’m off the clock”

Response: “How convenient for you…and the clock!”

…and the best in my humble opinion,

For facing difficulties:

“Necessary!  Is it necessary for me to drink my own urine?  No!  But, it’s sterile and I like the taste.”

Honestly, I don’t recommend it for the faint of heart…or easily offended.  But, for those wanting to indulge your adolescent side, laugh hysterically and gain a world of “good advice” in the process – well, DodgeBall might be right up your alley.

As for me, what can I say, I am a joiner and can never resist a good laugh. And, in my male dominated home, I have learned to never underestimate the power of a good one-liner!

In closing, I leave you a final DodgeBall one liner word of advice…

If you master the 5 D’s of Dodgeball, no amount of ‘balls’ can hit you – Dodge, Dip, Duck, Dive and Dodge.

Is There Life After 40?

Standard

Well, duh, I’m  not dead yet.  However, the term “It’s now or never” sure takes on a whole new meaning.  What do I mean?  Well, head on over to ParentSociety.com and read my latest article,  Is There Life After 40?,  to get  ‘the rest of the story’.

As a kid, I was once asked what age I considered old. I promptly replied, “40.” In my teenaged, eye-rolling mind, there was clearly no life after 40. I’ll just bet the adult who asked the question wanted to drop kick me into the next week…

You might just find out what Patrick Dempsey, hair dye and mini-vans have to do with turning 40.  Now how can you pass that up? Go here!

Is There Life After 40?

10 Things I Just Don’t Understand

Standard

I apologize in advance.  Seriously, this was not the post I set out to write.  Really, I just had to get these things out of my head before I could put anything decent on paper.  So, why share it?  Ah well, I guess I am just fearless in that way.

10 things I just don’t understand:

1.  Cheese in a can

What? Was someone afraid  whipped cream was having all the fun?

2.  Donald Trump’s hair

I mean really, how much  money bank loans does it take to hire a decent hair stylist?

3.  Crocs

Hey, what’s not to get, right…they are plastic, turned up at the tip like elf shoes and make your feet look so very sexy!

4.  Hairless Cats

They just look so cold…and shriveled.

5.  Parachute Pants

‘Cause, yeah, I want my thighs to look like watermelons- oh and while you are at it,  clad them in vibrant prints and colors, too!!

6.  Canned Asparagus

It should be illegal to torture a vegetable so.

7.  Bird Spiders

No spider should be so large it requires birds for sustenance.

8.  Cockroaches with wings

Some creatures have no business leaving the ground.

9.  Snooki on the Mom track

Duh, now everyone is going to want their own little ‘short n tan’.

10.  Cloth Diapers

I know, all you green parents will stomp me for this – but seriously, don’t we suffer enough as parents without having to launder poop and pee, too?

Ok.  Now that I have that off my chest, back to work.  Thanks for listening…

Las Vegas Much?

Standard

If you are planning to take your kids to Las Vegas anytime in the near future or you think I am off my rocker for even contemplating it, you might want to check out the Top 5 kid friendly and budget savvy tips we discovered on our recent trip to the flashy city over on ParentSociety.com today.

It starts like this:

When you think of Las Vegas, you probably don’t think of the words “kid-friendly” or “budget-savvy.” Well, it is a fact that almost everything costs a ton in Las Vegas, except the parking, which is always free. (How can you proceed to lose all your money in the casino if you can’t park your car?).

It is also true that on occasion you must instruct your kids to “quick, look up at the big tall building!”…

You will have to go here to find out why they have to look up (really, you need to know!) and get the  Top 5 Budget Kids’ Activities to Do in Las Vegas.

For more Sweet Spot Travels: Go Here!

Today’s Best Moment: Sunday, 4/8

Standard

Las Vegas at night.

I won a few dollars (no really, I mean actually $2.00).  Then,  I lost the $2.00.   So, I went to watch the Bellagio Fountains – which are free,  and still by far my favorite thing on the Vegas Strip. Yes, even better than the Jack Sparrow impersonator.  It was a good night.

For more Sweet Spot Travels: Go Here!

Today’s Best Moment: Thursday, April 5

Standard
Photo By: Paula Danner

Photo by: Paula Danner

Devil’s Bridge – Sedona, Arizona

We had to hike to get there.  I didn’t even panic when they walked across.  Ok, that is a lie.  I did panic, a little. But man, it was cool.

The truth is, the best moment may very well have been afterwards,   playing football with them in the hotel pool. That was cool, too.

For more on this adventure, finding the bridge and living to tell about it –   Go Here!

For more Sweet Spot Travels: Go Here!

After Years of Searching for Justice

Standard

On ParentSociety.com, I have an article running today.  It is not my usual ” humor infused” (attempts at humor anyway) type of  Sweet Spot story. However, I wanted to share it here nonetheless.   It starts out like this:

Yesterday, I read the news, much like I always do in the morning before sending my kids off to school. I enjoy reading up on a variety of subjects: health, stupid Hollywood pet tricks (a.k.a. celebrity news), consumer reports, world news, etc. Most of the time, once my kids are off to school, I begin my work and go on with my day. Sometimes, I even relay interesting information to my husband. But yesterday, I read an article that haunted me throughout my day and into the next.

Go here to find out why we should all pay attention to Fakhra Younus’s story.

Some stories must be remembered. Thank you for reading.

10 Reasons I Forgot Your Birthday

Standard

Today is my husbands birthday.  Last year, I (and my kids) completely forgot his birthday.  That’s right, no gift, no cruddy store bought card, no drawn picture, no recognition whatsoever – not even a gag gift.  Honestly, he wasn’t even that up-in-arms about it…which, of course, made us feel even more guilty.  He loves to laugh.  Therefore, we decided salvation from our  faux pas  was through humor.

We made him a list.  A very special list.  A list explaining how we, in our  individual ways, had very logical reasons excuses as to why his birthday had been forgotten.

Top 10 Reasons I/We Forgot Your Birthday

10.  I was abducted by aliens and they mind wiped one day from my memory… so, I will remember tomorrow.

9.  I have selective amnesia: also known as Spoucitus or Parentaphobia.

8.  It’s not my fault; I got my brain from you!

7.  What!!! I was doing you a favor by forgetting.

6.  Mama needed a new pair of shoes…dress…shirt… well, you get the idea.

5.  The devil made me do it.

4.  My underwear was too tight.

3.  Pick up shirts from the dry cleaners… (oops, wrong list).

2.  I was busy documenting a Big Foot sighting (which, unfortunately, turned out to be just a really hairy guy from down the street).

And the number one reason  your birthday was forgotten…

1.  I would have remembered if I didn’t have diarrhea.

This year for my husbands birthday, we bought him a tie.  Actually, this year for his birthday we are taking him on a trip – which will be memorable and fun.  However, I have a feeling he may stand by his sentiment expressed after reading our pitiful excuses for forgetting last years birthday.

“That was the best birthday present you could have given me”.

Sometimes, it is just that simple.