Category Archives: Top 10 List

Never Sit on the Couch at a Nudist Colony

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There is a guy who lives in my house.  I like to refer to this particular guy as PRE-Teen.  Truth be told, this is not the first time I have been motivated to write about PRE-Teen and his unique take on the world around him.  (A Decade of Wisdom).

Listen, I know he is my kid and therefore I am genetically programmed to think every thought he expresses is cute, amazing, hysterical, brilliant even (quick, call CNN).  But I honestly challenge you to read through the list quoting 10 of his more recent declarations and not find at least one that makes you smile, laugh or fist pump in agreement.

In the world according to PRE-Teen:

Being smart is fun and all, but I it is good to take a break.

Batman’s movies are good but Batman is a sissy Superhero because he has no actual super power and he isn’t even smart, like Ironman.  The most Batman can claim is “Manhero”.

And while on the subject…

Joker is a completely lame villain when played by anyone other than Heath Ledger.

Eating too many gummy bears gives you gummy spit.

There is nothing more completely wrong than a “Mankini”…

…except maybe a hairy man wearing a “Mankini”.

Never miss (breakfast) “the most important meal of the day” – even if that means having it for dinner.

Teachers are like tissues, they are no good once they have been used. (although, he recently added the discovery that some can be folded and used again).

Vegetables are like ice cream…except they taste bad.

And last, my own personal favorite…

Never sit on the couch at a nudist colony. (think about it)

Sometimes, following his random proclamations, a lengthy debate ensues.

But most of the time I just have to nod my head,

and agree.

(and giggle a little, too)

For other Pre-teen isms Go Here!

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10 Awesome Parenting Tips You’ll Actually Use

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So let’s just say you did something completely crazy like, oh I don’t know,  answer the wanted ad for parenting?  Wanted: A Parent. Faint Hearted Need Not Apply.  Hey, it’s ok, we all do it because there is no accounting for crazy.

But now, you may really need to check out my post on ParentSociety.com10 Awesome Parenting Tips You’ll Actually Use.

It is the logical progression.

1.  Do something crazy like become a parent

2.  Ask for help from those who have run the gauntlet.

3.  Apply advice liberally in a trial and error fashion.

4.  Hope, plead, pray, cross fingers for the best.

Thank you to all the contributors who helped me put together the awesome list! Apparently, I not only need help with parenting, I need help compiling a list of tips to help with parenting. It is a good thing I have such wonderful (and vastly smart) friends and family!

10 Awesome Parenting Tips You’ll Actually Use

Glutton for Punishment: aka Airplane Travel with Kids

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Planning an airplane trip anytime soon with your kids?  Well, if you are ever going to entertain the idea or have had the potentially not-so-pleasureable experience already – better skedaddle on over to ParentSociety.com where today I am sharing

10 Travel Items to Never Leave Home Without

My husband and I have always loved to travel. Therefore, since the time our kids were babies we have dragged them all over the USA and abroad. As with all things, doing any activity with kids involved is, to put it mildly, different. Throughout the years, I have developed a mental checklist of items I never leave home without.  Most All of these suggestions have been learned the hard way, through the rough road of experience (as in sometimes, there was not even a road, just a trail with big ruts).

Some or all of these items may just save you from a few more grey hairs! GREY HAIRS I SAID! What are you waiting for??!  Go Here! Quick!

Some of my early travel experiences When All Else Fails, Cry.

For more Sweet Spot Travels: Go Here!

Top 10 Clues You Are Not Cut Out for Country Life

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So, you think you can cut it in the country?  Yeah, well that is what I thought, too.  However, last week after dissolving in tears upon committing vehicular skunk-slaughter, it became glaringly clear you can “Take the girl out of the city, but…”.  (I mean really, the poor creature was just trying to, shall we say, get to the other side).

Therefore, just in case you may have the bright idea to a switch to rural life anytime in the future, allow me to bestow upon you the benefit of first-hand experience!

Top 10 Clues you are not cut out for Country Life.

10.  You cry over road kill.  Including the skunk that assured your car would never smell the same again.

9. You shudder when instructed to park your car on the grass – even though it is already filled with cars, trucks and ATVs.

8.  You think wearing 4 inch wedges to a hayride is a feasible alternative to high heeled pumps. But, at least you learn the purpose for the warning “beware the steaming rocks”.

7.  You look at your kid like he is Jack the Ripper when requested to gut and cook the fish he caught.

6.  You feel compelled to declare the yard an animal sanctuary…from your kids.

5.  Your car and a deer leaping out of the woods collide – you are dismayed over the deer’s injuries but completely unconcerned by the fact your car is now totaled.

4.  You don’t like red meat. But, you try to keep this one under wraps on the off chance there really is some truth to the “ride out of town on a rail” rumor. (oh, and on a side note: You never mention that “vegetarian” word)

3.  You have a maniacal fear of mini-blood-sucking-demons-from-hell,  also known as  Tics.

2.  You are not a fan of dirt/dust/mud/gravel/snow/ice – they interfere with your shoe choices.

and last but not least…

1.  You are at a loss as to how to respond to the question “Do you want ½ a cow?” because you are busy picturing which half and how a cow stands up with only two legs.

If you still decide to give the country a go, I wish you luck and may you never feel the sting (or smell the smell) of skunk road kill.

10 Things I Just Don’t Understand

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I apologize in advance.  Seriously, this was not the post I set out to write.  Really, I just had to get these things out of my head before I could put anything decent on paper.  So, why share it?  Ah well, I guess I am just fearless in that way.

10 things I just don’t understand:

1.  Cheese in a can

What? Was someone afraid  whipped cream was having all the fun?

2.  Donald Trump’s hair

I mean really, how much  money bank loans does it take to hire a decent hair stylist?

3.  Crocs

Hey, what’s not to get, right…they are plastic, turned up at the tip like elf shoes and make your feet look so very sexy!

4.  Hairless Cats

They just look so cold…and shriveled.

5.  Parachute Pants

‘Cause, yeah, I want my thighs to look like watermelons- oh and while you are at it,  clad them in vibrant prints and colors, too!!

6.  Canned Asparagus

It should be illegal to torture a vegetable so.

7.  Bird Spiders

No spider should be so large it requires birds for sustenance.

8.  Cockroaches with wings

Some creatures have no business leaving the ground.

9.  Snooki on the Mom track

Duh, now everyone is going to want their own little ‘short n tan’.

10.  Cloth Diapers

I know, all you green parents will stomp me for this – but seriously, don’t we suffer enough as parents without having to launder poop and pee, too?

Ok.  Now that I have that off my chest, back to work.  Thanks for listening…

10 Reasons I Forgot Your Birthday

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Today is my husbands birthday.  Last year, I (and my kids) completely forgot his birthday.  That’s right, no gift, no cruddy store bought card, no drawn picture, no recognition whatsoever – not even a gag gift.  Honestly, he wasn’t even that up-in-arms about it…which, of course, made us feel even more guilty.  He loves to laugh.  Therefore, we decided salvation from our  faux pas  was through humor.

We made him a list.  A very special list.  A list explaining how we, in our  individual ways, had very logical reasons excuses as to why his birthday had been forgotten.

Top 10 Reasons I/We Forgot Your Birthday

10.  I was abducted by aliens and they mind wiped one day from my memory… so, I will remember tomorrow.

9.  I have selective amnesia: also known as Spoucitus or Parentaphobia.

8.  It’s not my fault; I got my brain from you!

7.  What!!! I was doing you a favor by forgetting.

6.  Mama needed a new pair of shoes…dress…shirt… well, you get the idea.

5.  The devil made me do it.

4.  My underwear was too tight.

3.  Pick up shirts from the dry cleaners… (oops, wrong list).

2.  I was busy documenting a Big Foot sighting (which, unfortunately, turned out to be just a really hairy guy from down the street).

And the number one reason  your birthday was forgotten…

1.  I would have remembered if I didn’t have diarrhea.

This year for my husbands birthday, we bought him a tie.  Actually, this year for his birthday we are taking him on a trip – which will be memorable and fun.  However, I have a feeling he may stand by his sentiment expressed after reading our pitiful excuses for forgetting last years birthday.

“That was the best birthday present you could have given me”.

Sometimes, it is just that simple.