So, you think you can cut it in the country? Yeah, well that is what I thought, too. However, last week after dissolving in tears upon committing vehicular skunk-slaughter, it became glaringly clear you can “Take the girl out of the city, but…”. (I mean really, the poor creature was just trying to, shall we say, get to the other side).
Therefore, just in case you may have the bright idea to a switch to rural life anytime in the future, allow me to bestow upon you the benefit of first-hand experience!
Top 10 Clues you are not cut out for Country Life.
10. You cry over road kill. Including the skunk that assured your car would never smell the same again.
9. You shudder when instructed to park your car on the grass – even though it is already filled with cars, trucks and ATVs.
8. You think wearing 4 inch wedges to a hayride is a feasible alternative to high heeled pumps. But, at least you learn the purpose for the warning “beware the steaming rocks”.
7. You look at your kid like he is Jack the Ripper when requested to gut and cook the fish he caught.
6. You feel compelled to declare the yard an animal sanctuary…from your kids.
5. Your car and a deer leaping out of the woods collide – you are dismayed over the deer’s injuries but completely unconcerned by the fact your car is now totaled.
4. You don’t like red meat. But, you try to keep this one under wraps on the off chance there really is some truth to the “ride out of town on a rail” rumor. (oh, and on a side note: You never mention that “vegetarian” word)
3. You have a maniacal fear of mini-blood-sucking-demons-from-hell, also known as Tics.
2. You are not a fan of dirt/dust/mud/gravel/snow/ice – they interfere with your shoe choices.
and last but not least…
1. You are at a loss as to how to respond to the question “Do you want ½ a cow?” because you are busy picturing which half and how a cow stands up with only two legs.
If you still decide to give the country a go, I wish you luck and may you never feel the sting (or smell the smell) of skunk road kill.