In my testosterone driven household, sports are played & watched, hygiene is an afterthought, all bodily functions are hysterical, weapons are coveted, shadow punching serves as a greeting, and,
Movie one liners are viewed as the cures to all that ails you.
Seriously, gone are the days when I could just watch a movie and forget about it. Now, due to the uncanny ability of my boys to remember every funny line in a movie, I now relive movies in a whole new way. You see, not only do they recall every bit of humorous dialog, but they then proceed to plagiarize them incessantly – weaving them into our daily conversations in the name of comic relief. Apparently, my house is in need of a tremendous amount of relief.
Over the years, favorites have developed. For an excuse in a multitude of situations, nothing works better than “I would do that (dive off a waterfall) if I didn’t have diarrhea” from Club Paradise.
And, to deflect from an embarrassing situation, “I find everyone’s pain funny but my own…I’m French” from Flushed Away is always the perfect.
And, even though it is actually from a play, the line “If we can’t kill it, it’s immortal” from A Tuna Christmas, well, is just plain funny.
Recently, however, our world has become ensconced in the prolific one liners from the movie DodgeBall (with Vince Vaughn and Ben Stiller). If you have never seen it let me assure you, it is jammed packed with all kinds of adolescent boy humor goodness. It seems no matter what the life situation, a DodgeBall snippet of dialog is just the ticket to smoothing things over and offering meaningful advice. You doubt me?
Allow me to demonstrate:
For confronting challenges:
“If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball”
For conveying revenge:
“Nobody makes me bleed my own blood. Nobody!”
For expressing disgust:
“I just threw up in my mouth a little bit”
For bolstering confidence:
“My gym has shareholders, your gym doesn’t even have cup holders!”
And to take confidence to the next level:
“Here at Global Gym we’re better than you and we know it”
For snappy comebacks:
Statement: “I’m off the clock”
Response: “How convenient for you…and the clock!”
…and the best in my humble opinion,
For facing difficulties:
“Necessary! Is it necessary for me to drink my own urine? No! But, it’s sterile and I like the taste.”
Honestly, I don’t recommend it for the faint of heart…or easily offended. But, for those wanting to indulge your adolescent side, laugh hysterically and gain a world of “good advice” in the process – well, DodgeBall might be right up your alley.
As for me, what can I say, I am a joiner and can never resist a good laugh. And, in my male dominated home, I have learned to never underestimate the power of a good one-liner!
In closing, I leave you a final DodgeBall one liner word of advice…
If you master the 5 D’s of Dodgeball, no amount of ‘balls’ can hit you – Dodge, Dip, Duck, Dive and Dodge.