Tag Archives: cat

Live From the Polar Vortex

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polar vortex

Yesterday, I went to the bank.  Exciting, I know.  But, I made a crucial discovery in the process.  You see, as I dumped into the teller’s space my unfinished deposit items, I expressed apologies for my inability to perform the simplest of math required to complete the deposit slip.  “That’s ok” she generously replied, “It’s too cold to think”.  In the words of Pre-Teen, who immortalized the phrase in our family after discovering a London street we had inadvertently walked down late one night was the “gay party street”…

”That explains a lot!!!”.

Too cold to think!  Of course! Suddenly all was explainable.  It explained why I can’t seem to write a blog to save my life (which aside from my recent run-in with a barbed wire fence hasn’t really been necessary), why I have been driving in circles on country roads in the quest to deliver my sons to sporting events (because how else to explain that after 12 years, I still have not mastered country-style direction following), and why I can’t seem to put two words together or remember anyone’s name (cause, like, in no way could that be age or anything).

Honestly, the whole Polar Vortex thing is getting on my nerves.  Aside from the “too cold to think” phenomenon (which, seriously, is the last thing I need as my thinking abilities are challenged under the warmest of conditions), and the fact that I can’t leave the house without cursing at the wind like a crazy lady, and those weather-chicken school officials who keep making my kids stay home with me, stuck in the house being bored, instead of in school annoying the teachers, (don’t they know waiting at the bus stop in sub-zero weather builds character?),  there are the questions.

For example, my husband, asking me every single morning – like my uterus is somehow hard wired into the Doppler radar – “What is the weather forecast for today?” (um cold, freezing or excuse-me-while-I-scream-in-agony-cold?).  Or from friends and family smugly living in my native California – like they don’t recall that anything under 60 degrees qualifies as “cold” in Cali (yeah, you know who you are) – “Is it cold there?”  (um, yeah, cold, freezing, and excuse-me-while-I-scream-in-agony cold).  Or from Teen and Pre-Teen who I suspect secretly just want me out of the way so they can watch a cagillioneth episode of Family Guy “Why are you watching Dexter…again!?” – (because the Miami setting makes me feel warm and I have a soft spot for a cute sociopath with heart, if you must know).

I can at least appreciate the question from friends who, like me once basked in the glory of a sunshine state but have now unwittingly found themselves relocated in a polar vortex – “Are you surviving the cold”  (since I wear gloves to grocery shop, I would have to say “No”).

One thing is for certain.  My cat, Lulubelle, doesn’t seem to have trouble thinking in the cold and has in fact figured out a way to survive and keep warm, which makes her the smartest member of our family.

You don't mind a few, or say hundreds of white hairs on your clean laundry, right?

You don’t mind a few, or say hundreds of white hairs on your clean laundry, right?

Yep, things are that bleak.

So for now,

I am coming to you live from the Polar Vortex…

But, only barely.

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When Life Gives You Lemons, Chuck Them Back

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lemon-cartoon

I have always hated the saying “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.”  I know this may be surprising coming from the girl who writes a blog called “Looking for the Sweet Spot.”  But the truth is, when life hands me lemons, my initial instinct and burning desire is to chuck them right back…hard…in a “you can put an eye out like that” kind of way.

Logic aside (or even in the near vicinity), I want life to be like ordering in a restaurant:

Life Waitress:  “Excuse me, Miss,” (‘cause in my perfect world, no one ever dares address me as ‘Maam’), “Would you like a lemon with life today?”

Me:  “No, I think I will pass on the lemon for today! But, thank you for asking.”

I mean really, wouldn’t it at least be polite of Life to first ask if I am ready, willing, and able to embrace the whole idea of a lemon?

But no, Life always seems to prefer the shock and awe approach – handing out the biggest, juiciest lemon when least expected or wanted.  And as an added bonus, Life’s timing seems to generally suck.

So now, here sits the big huge lemon Life has handed me right in the middle of everything, impossible to ignore and demanding acceptance…just like my cat.

And I am left to figure out how to squeeze some lemonade out of it, beat it to a pulp (the lemon, not the cat), or better yet, find a way to laugh about it.

But until that time, I am asking, in the most respectful way possible regarding all future lemon gifts…

“In the future, Life, when handing me a lemon, could you at least, please, pass the sugar, too?”

Or, at least, give me a good punch line.

Thank you.  Your cooperation is much appreciated.

The Gift That Keeps on Giving

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I love to laugh.  I don’t believe this could possibly be a secret to anyone.  Lets face it, the internet is filled with funny, ridiculous stuff always ready to give a good laugh (or cry).  But, every once in a while, I come across those items that make me laugh not once, not twice,  but over and over again. I  keep track of these little gems for times when a laugh is desperately needed…like, on a daily basis. I refer to them as the gifts that keep on giving.

The other day, my son was having a bad day.  Why?  Well, because he is a teen and some days are just like that.  So I searched out one of my recent favorite gems.

“Hey, Teen, come here and watch this with me.”

“Why, I’ve already seen that one.”

“I know, come anyway.”

A few minutes and several views later, with laughing tears streaming down our faces, life did not seem so bad.

Good even.

That, is a gift.

Here is my gift to you.

Love, Sweet Spot

Cat Meets Fish

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My son recently got a fish for a pet – three guppy fish to be exact.  We decided it was no use actually naming them until we saw how our cat, Lulubelle, was going to embrace their existence and residence in our her house. Thus, a formal introduction was arranged.

Lulubelle paced around and around the bowl.

Sniffed the contents.

Looked wide eyed at the moving objects inside.

Batted at the glass.

Tested the water with a paw.

It was touch and go there for a while.

Would the poor defenseless fish actually survive our heartless, survival-of-the fittest cat?

And then it happened.

Lulubelle stuck her head into the bowl and…

… drank the water.

cat meets fish

I am thinking, in the end, she decided it was too much work for such a small prize.

Oh and probably, she was thirsty.

Besides, Take Out Delivery is just so much more convenient.

My Cat Orders Take Out Delivery

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This is my cat, Lulubelle.

Sometimes, she looks like this:

But, most of the time she looks like this:

As you can see, Lulubelle has a very demanding sleep schedule to maintain. Therefore, how does she on a regular basis, find time to seemingly hunt & torment the birds in my yard? First of all, in doing so she completely flouts my verbal proclamation that all creatures and animals in my yard are under protected sanctuary (ok, except the blood sucking kind).  But more importantly, how does she do it?

What really started my contemplation was my cat’s most recent suspicious acquisition.

You see, the other day I was diligently working while Lulubelle, per usual, slept nearby. All of a sudden,  I heard a bird squawk so loud it sounded as if it was actually in the next room.  The reason being, well, it was in the next room. I went to investigate and there stood Lulubelle (huh?) , looking pleased as Richard Simmons during a full body search, with feathers swirling around her head and a squawking bird in her mouth.

Upon seeing me, Lulu smugly let go of the terrified thing as if to say to me “Yeah lady, it’s a real bird.  How do you like them apples?” (more flouting to be sure). The bird, of course, promptly flew against nearest window screeching something I swear sounded like “Help me; I’m being assaulted by a demon”.

For the next few moments, I felt like Chrissie in a Three’s Company episode (except, you know, without the cleavage and cute ponytails).  Lulubelle cunningly attempted to regain her prize while I further traumatized the screaming bird by frantically chasing it around the room, knocking stuff over,  throwing a nearby dirty boy sweatshirt over it, and bundling it up until I could reach the outside and secure its escape.  As that bird flew like a bat out of hell away from stinky sweatshirt, bimbo Mom and maniacal (and now sleeping) cat, I just know it was promising never to set its little three toed feet in our yard of horrors ever again.

So I repeat.  Where does my cat find  time, not to mention energy?  In my estimation this is very suspect and after much deliberation, I am leaning towards one particular theory –

She is ordering Take out delivery.

It would explain a vast amount of wild animal anomalies encountered at my house on a regular basis – as well as her ability to seemingly be in two places at once.

Honesty, I just hope the dog does not get wind of it…

Today’s Best Moment: Thursday, 4/26

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What?  Hold on, hold on –  folding a mountain of laundry was NOT  Today’s Best Moment because that would be well, sad and completely crazy.

No, the best moment was when I walked into the still-being-renovated-for-10-years laundry room, saw this toppling heap of laundry and literally laughed out loud.  You know the kind of laughter when your nearby sleeping cat, upon hearing your outburst,  looks up at you like you are a complete and utter moron?  Yep, one of those.

Sometimes, those moments are what get me through the day.  And, I think my cat  lives for them, too.