Tag Archives: teen

Teen’s New Hog

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We now interrupt our regularly scheduled program to bring you another episode of  Teen Talk.  I assure you, everything you are about to see is real and unedited. Please do not try this at home…Unless you can fold yourself up like a frog.

One day, Teen cleaned out his chop shop…

Teen:  “Mom, I traded that Zebra dirt bike I could never get to run for one that does!”

Mom:  “Really?  (I was perfectly content with the non-running model) Does the new one go very fast?”

Teen:  “Oh, not that fast”

Mom: “hmm”

Teen:  “Wanna see?”

For more Teen Talk – go here!

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Teen Talk: Episode #14

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When Mom says “Go play outside!”…

Teen plays outside

We now interrupt our regularly scheduled program to bring you another episode of Teen Talk. I assure you, everything you are about to hear see is real and unedited. Please, do not try this at home. Unless  you don’t mind turning your living room into outdoor furniture.

The end.

For more Teen Talk: Go Here

Teen Talk: Episode #11

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Comic by K

Comic by K

We now interrupt our regularly scheduled program to bring you another episode of  Teen Talk.  I assure you, everything you are about to hear is real and unedited. Please, do not try this at homeUnless you don’t mind freezing (or sweating) your da-dunt-da-dunts  off.

One day, Teen took a Home Energy Conservation Test at school.

Teen:  “Mom, we scored really bad on the Home Energy Conservation Test I took at school.”

Mom:  “Really? How bad?”

Teen:  “Well, lets just put it this way – it is just another one of those things I’ll be working out in therapy someday.”

Mom:  “What do you mean?”

Teen:  “You know, something like this…”

Therapist:

“So, Teen, tell me about your childhood and home life .”

Therapy Teen:

“Well, I remember how all the kids at school used to laugh and make fun of me because we turned off appliances in our house instead of unplugging them from the wall.”

Therapist:

“I see, go on…”

Therapy Teen:

“I was cut from the baseball team.  They never told me me why, but I knew it was because my family used whole ducted house heating and cooling.  I just wanted to fit in, but I knew I never would because of my familie’s high energy usage.  Even to this day, I have nightmares of comfortable heating and cooling while taking a long hot bath. 

Mom:  “That therapy list is really growing.”

Teen:  “Yep.”

The End

Teen Talk: Episode #10

Teen Talk: Episode #9

Teen Talk: Episode #8

Teen Talk: Episode #7

Teen Talk: Episode #6

Teen Talk: Episode #5

Teen Talk: Episode #4

*Teen Talk: Episode #3

Teen Talk Episode #2

Teen Talk Episode #1

For more views by Teen Go Here: Teen Talk

5 Perfect Moments: Make ’em Laugh

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Spice Cake Tower of Babel

Cake or The Tower of Babel?

On my current life schedule I find it hard, or rather impossible,  to write.  I try, I really do, but somehow there is always something more pressing. However, I do write lists, lots and lots of lists:  grocery lists, appointment lists, work lists, lists of places people need to be, lists of things I don’t need to worry about anymore, lists of things I want to write about someday,  lists of things to do,  lists of things I keep forgetting to do, lists of things that will never get done but makes me feel better knowing they are at least on a “list”.

However, this week, in light of the way too early and saddening loss of a childhood friend a few days ago, I found myself making a mental list of all the current moments I never want to forget – moments that make me laugh at the time, and smile just  thinking about them later. Moments  I don’t want to pass by too quickly like so many seem to do.  Moments that make up the best parts of my day.

Here are my favorite 5.  Maybe they will make you laugh or smile, too.

1.  Teen came out of his room dressed for school in a suspiciously color coordinated shirt and shorts combo…and announced he meant to do it.

2.  While thinking out loud (aka: talking to myself) about whether to tell my husband about a mutual friend’s health situation being as she is trying to keep it secret until she has the chance to discuss with family members, Pre-Teen piped in from the other room (as is his habit to listen to conversations not meant for him):  “I say ‘no’ Mom, don’t tell Dad –  Because the bag he keeps his cat in is not exactly the tightest bag!”

3.  I started the coffee in my Kuerig coffee maker only to realize mid-cycle, as I stood watching it,  no coffee cup was under the precious stream of coffee.

4.  Pre-Teen had a school project – make a model of the Tower of Babel.  He did so…out of Spice Cake.

5.  I dropped Teen off at High school: “Bye honey, have a good day.” “Thanks Mom…hashtag love.”

For Charlie, because, “If you smile, they’ll never look at your feet.”

Teen Talk: Episode #9

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Forgetting Brain

Comic by K

We now interrupt our regularly scheduled program to bring you another episode of  Teen Talk.  I assure you, everything you are about to hear is real and unedited. Please, do not try this at home. That is, if you want to get anything done, ever.

One day, Teen had some chores.

Mom:  “Teen, don’t forget to do your chores today.”

Teen:  “Ok… (pause)…”And yet, I have already forgotten.”

Mom:  “What?!?!”

Teen:  “It’s too late, no one can stop me now.  Not even myself!

The End

Teen Talk: Episode #8

Teen Talk: Episode #7

Teen Talk: Episode #6

Teen Talk: Episode #5

Teen Talk: Episode #4

*Teen Talk: Episode #3

Teen Talk Episode #2

Teen Talk Episode #1

For more views by Teen Go Here: Teen Talk

The Gift That Keeps on Giving

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I love to laugh.  I don’t believe this could possibly be a secret to anyone.  Lets face it, the internet is filled with funny, ridiculous stuff always ready to give a good laugh (or cry).  But, every once in a while, I come across those items that make me laugh not once, not twice,  but over and over again. I  keep track of these little gems for times when a laugh is desperately needed…like, on a daily basis. I refer to them as the gifts that keep on giving.

The other day, my son was having a bad day.  Why?  Well, because he is a teen and some days are just like that.  So I searched out one of my recent favorite gems.

“Hey, Teen, come here and watch this with me.”

“Why, I’ve already seen that one.”

“I know, come anyway.”

A few minutes and several views later, with laughing tears streaming down our faces, life did not seem so bad.

Good even.

That, is a gift.

Here is my gift to you.

Love, Sweet Spot

I Once Had an Awkward Moment, Just to See What it Was Like

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dos equis guy

What do you want to be when you grow up?

Have you ever asked your kids this question?

When my boys were little, I would ask the question and get cute, dream-big answers such as; “an astronaut”, “a fireman”, “Tim Lincecum” (um – without the weed?), “rich”, “anything that does not require college” (there goes that whole ‘rich’ idea).

But when my boys reached a certain age, it became ‘uncool’ to answer this question and my inquiry into their future plans was met with blank stares, I don’t knows, or scary answers meant to silence me from asking the question ever again such as “the garbage man” or “a guy who mutters to himself”. It worked.  I quit asking.

But, last weekend, as we were driving around in the car,  Pre-teen,out of the clear blue sky (which is where he likes to draw ideas from) exclaimed,

“Being an ice cream tester would be a cool job”

And that was when I had one of those brilliant Mom moments aimed at tapping into the illusive psyche of my Pre-teen and Teen.  Ok, well it may have been my only instance of brilliance to date. Be that as it may, I quickly jumped into pre-teen’s musings.

“Really?  What other jobs do you think would be really cool?”

And without hesitation, Teen and Pre-Teen, in complete and full agreement with one another (thus the 8th Wonder of the World was established), fired off for me a list of their ideal and sought after cool jobs (and various accompanying colorful comments).  As follows and in the order they were given to me:

Video Game Tester

Super-Model Photographer (“Now there is a job you wouldn’t mind working over-time!”)

Sports Announcer

Body Guard for an Actor (“Someone cool and funny – like Johnny Depp”. I sense some possible perks for Mom here.)

Secret Service

Bouncer (“’Cause, you know, you get to be all buff and stuff”)

Any type of Professional Athlete except Curling (unmovable they were on this point of specification)

Olympic Athlete

Monster Truck Driver

Architect

Gun Designer (what can I say; we live in the country…)

Scientist for Black Cat Fireworks (not placing a whole lot of value on protruding body parts)

Car Tester (I didn’t have the heart to break it to them, crash test dummies pretty much have that job all sewn up)

And lastly, of course what all kid must want…or maybe it is just mine,

The Actor in “The most interesting man in the world” Dos Equis Commercials

And here, was the end of Teen and Pre-teen’s list of future aspirations.  Really, though, where else does one go from there?

Surely, as a Mom,  I am so proud.

And in some cases, possibly a little sorry I asked.

Resolutions for 2013 – Sweet Spot Style

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Yes, it is that time again – Resolution time.  Truthfully, I hold with the Non-Resolution style of ringing in the New Year.  That being said, there is always something of value to be learned from history – ones own adventures and, well, misadventures.

Thus this year, I decided to scour the Sweet Spot Archives of 2012 in search of some well earned Resolutions for 2013.
I think I found some pretty powerful nuggets of advice for the New Year…

1.  I will be sure to check my pants zipper (Life, the Ego-Sucking Siege) before entering any and all public establishments.

2. I will struggle on in my war against electronics (I Am Woman – Ode to Chris the Caveman) in the never ending battle for influence over my kids’ brain.

3.  I will try to have a kindler, gentler approach to my vacuum (The Day I Killed the Vacuum) and well, for that matter all machines in general (Woman vs. Machine).

4.  I will try to take Teens advice to drink water and recycle – preferably at the same time – (Teen Talk: Episode #3) and, of course, Pre-Teens advice to Never Sit on a Couch at a Nudest Colony.

5.  I swear never to utter the chant “Party at home plate” at my kids’ baseball games (Take Us To Warp Speed, Scotty), or do any of those other things that would qualify me for “bulldog” status as a  Sports Mom (Bulldogs Don’t Wear Lipstick).

6.  I promise, for Teen and Pre-Teen’s sake, to work in the words “Balls”  (Word-Up: We’ve Got Big Balls) and “Weenus” (Word-Up: Show Me Your Weenus) into every conversation where possible but not necessarily appropriate.

7.  In true Mid-West fashion, I promise to generously give the “no problem” wave, the “thanks for not honking at me even though I deserve it” wave, and possibly throw in the “I’m cool” head wave.  (You Deserve the Wave Today).

8.  I will seek out adventure every chance I get (Sweet Spot Travels), even the scary kind (Today’s Best Moment Thursday April 5.)

9.  I will try to make someones day as often as possible  simply by donning a pen and piece of rainbow stationary. (Go Ahead, Make My Day).

10.  I will be sure to have plenty of stockings/pantyhose and pet hair removal devices on hand for whatever occasion may arise. (Bag Lady Goes a Job Hunting).

11.  I will try to never, ever forget how good it feels to laugh (Destroy This Note After Reading).

And lastly, two lessons –  clearly resolution worthy – from some recent experiences:

I will try to not take as a personal commentary the worker-monogrammed cups received at Starbucks:

Starbucks cup

And, I will remember to pee prior to attending a D-Box movie.

Happy New Year from Looking for the Sweet Spot.

Go get ’em!

Life, the Ego-Sucking Siege

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having a bad day?

Have you ever noticed how life can sometimes be a constant barrage, sucking away your ego and self-esteem bit by bit?  Yeah?  Well, I have been having one of those days weeks months (as proof I submit to you The Day I Killed the Vacuum and Why I Can Never Be a Big-Boobed Hoochie Mama).  But today, well today was like the cream of humiliation rising to the proverbial top.

Today, I had to go to my sons’ school – Teen and Pre-Teen.  Not what you might think, I was just dropping something off to Teen.  I stopped in the office to talk to the secretary, school nurse and principal.  I walked through the school, waving and saying hello to students and teachers I know.  I went into the middle school cafeteria, located Teen at his table, having lunch with all his middle-school teen friends and gave him the item I had brought for him.  I stopped to say “Hi” to Pre-Teen as he entered the lunch room with his classmates.  Lastly, I had a quick impromptu meeting with a teacher and then left the school, waving to more teachers and students as I exited the building.

Once back in the car, I headed straight to the grocery store.  Upon arrival at the store, I leaned over to pick my grocery bags and for the first time noticed that the zipper, on my ever-so-snug skinny jeans, was wide open, X- Y- Z.

Yep, that’s right, I had just cruised all over Teen-dom with my barn door flapping in the breeze. (I just know tonight I am going to have one of those naked-walking-around-school dreams.)

(sigh)

And then, as if that wasn’t bad enough, I marched straight into the grocery store and for some bizarre reason, bought a plant.  You know, a plant – innocent, helpless and with no idea of the horror that await it under my care. Knowing my track record with all things green (The Accidental Farmer), this venture will surely end badly for all involved – especially the plant.

And so,

The siege rages on…

The Day I Killed the Vacuum

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I hate vacuums.  I can’t even express how much I dislike all vacuums. Vacuums have been a plague on my life (no drama at my house).    No matter how many vacuums I purchase, or how much money I pay for them, it is always the same story.  They don’t pick up what they should, like dirt and animal hair. But oh yes, they love to pick up what they shouldn’t, like the carpet corners and their own chords.   And speaking of the chord, is it my fault that my vacuum chord always ends up a mass of black electrical tape to fix the places where the vacuum has continually sucked up its own appendage and stripped it clean?  Shouldn’t a self-respecting vacuum be more discerning?  Eventually, my vacuums always end up spitting more dust than they pick up. And don’t even get me started on the new and improved “bagless” vacuum. Because changing a bag every once in a while was so much more inconvenient than having to manually dump the disgusting contents from the canister into the trash (as dust flies everywhere) on a regular basis!

Anyway, on the day in question, my current vacuum/bane-of-my-existence clearly crossed the line.  Now, it is only fair to point out this was not my first indiscretion where machines are concerned.  There was the time with the smoke alarm (Woman vs. Machine).  However, trust me, this time the machine really had it coming.

Last week, I was up to my neck in a heinous vacuum job involving the eradication of a summer’s worth of dead and live, scurrying spiders. It was near the end of the job when the vacuum chose to jump (ok, it might have fallen) off the step it was perched on, thus dislodging the nearly full “bagless vacuum” canister and spilling contents all over the floor.  In that instant, I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt the vacuum’s time had come.  And, ok, I will admit it…I was a tad peeved, and maybe a little pms, and possibly temporarily off my rocker.

Whatever the case,  the annihilation began as I kicked the offending machine…several times.  Lacking the desired results, I then proceeded to take the vacuum apart piece by piece and throw each piece violently out the back door onto the concrete driveway.  I swear I heard the sweet sound of cracking plastic and dislodging mechanisms.  The attack was only complete when the main vacuum unit was sent skittering across the driveway to its final resting place, lodged partially under a parked car.

Around this time, my sons, hearing the ensuing brawl, came to investigate.

Teen: “Uh, Mom, what are you doing?”

Me:  “Killing the vacuum.”

Preteen:  “Need any help with that?”

Me: “No thanks, I think I’ve got it covered.”

Then, I shed tears – not for the vacuum now lying scattered all over the driveway like the Scarecrow after the Flying Monkeys had their fun – but for the dusty, bug infested mess left in its wake that had to now be manually cleaned up and just out of good old frustration.  And that my friends, was the end of the vacuum, or so I thought.

For you see, sometime later that day, I looked outside to see Preteen collecting up all the scattered vacuum parts. And when next I looked out the window, there sat my vacuum on the back porch fully reassembled (and I am completely sure it was snickering at me).

I left it sitting on the back porch hoping it was reflecting on its bad behavior and fairly certain of its demise as a result of the onslaught.  However, the time came when pet hair in the house began to clump and blow in front of me like tumbleweeds in the Nevada desert.  Dreading the thought of facing yet another new vacuum purchase, to the porch I went to drag the vacuum back in the house, hoping it could, albeit inadequately, still to do its job.

That afternoon, when Preteen came home from school…

Me:  “By the way, I tried using the vacuum today and, guess what? It worked!”

Preteen:  “Really?  That is amazing!”

Me: “No Preteen, actually, you are amazing.”

Preteen smiled and then we both laughed.

As parents, it is our job to pick up our kids when they are down and put things back together for them.

But sometimes, it works the other way, too.