Have you ever noticed how life can sometimes be a constant barrage, sucking away your ego and self-esteem bit by bit? Yeah? Well, I have been having one of those
days weeks months (as proof I submit to you The Day I Killed the Vacuum and Why I Can Never Be a Big-Boobed Hoochie Mama). But today, well today was like the cream of humiliation rising to the proverbial top.
Today, I had to go to my sons’ school – Teen and Pre-Teen. Not what you might think, I was just dropping something off to Teen. I stopped in the office to talk to the secretary, school nurse and principal. I walked through the school, waving and saying hello to students and teachers I know. I went into the middle school cafeteria, located Teen at his table, having lunch with all his middle-school teen friends and gave him the item I had brought for him. I stopped to say “Hi” to Pre-Teen as he entered the lunch room with his classmates. Lastly, I had a quick impromptu meeting with a teacher and then left the school, waving to more teachers and students as I exited the building.
Once back in the car, I headed straight to the grocery store. Upon arrival at the store, I leaned over to pick my grocery bags and for the first time noticed that the zipper, on my ever-so-snug skinny jeans, was wide open, X- Y- Z.
Yep, that’s right, I had just cruised all over Teen-dom with my barn door flapping in the breeze. (I just know tonight I am going to have one of those naked-walking-around-school dreams.)
And then, as if that wasn’t bad enough, I marched straight into the grocery store and for some bizarre reason, bought a plant. You know, a plant – innocent, helpless and with no idea of the horror that await it under my care. Knowing my track record with all things green (The Accidental Farmer), this venture will surely end badly for all involved – especially the plant.
The siege rages on…