Tag Archives: mom

Teen Talk: Episode #15

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Teen

We now interrupt our regularly scheduled program to bring you another episode of  Teen Talk.  I assure you, everything you are about to hear is real and unedited. Please, do not try this at home. Unless you are fond of servitude.

One day, Teen decided to establish his place in the Familial Hierarchy.

Mom:  “Teen, are you working this weekend?”

Teen: “Yes, all day Saturday. Do you know if my work clothes have gone through the laundry yet?”

Mom:  “I’m not sure, we should check when we get home tonight.”

Teen:  “Ok”

Mom:  “Send me a text message as a reminder.  Otherwise, I am afraid, by the time we get home later, we will forget to check.”

…ding…

Text from Teen:  Dear slave,

                               Make sure to wash and iron my good clothes for my upcoming business affairs.

                               Sincerely,

                               The Overlord

The End

For more views by Teen Go Here: Teen Talk

Teen Talk: Episode #10

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Comic by K

Comic by K

We now interrupt our regularly scheduled program to bring you another episode of  Teen Talk.  I assure you, everything you are about to hear is real and unedited. Please, do not try this at home, it’s gross. 

One day, Teen tried explaining to Mom about being a teenage boy in high school.

We now join the scheduled program already in progress…

Teen:  “I am not sure you can really understand, Mom, you don’t have testosterone!”

Mom:  “Lucky for you.”

Teen:  “…or testicles!”

Mom:  “Again, lucky for you.”

Teen:  “And so the conversation slowly spiraled into the awkward phase…”

The End

Teen Talk: Episode #9

Teen Talk: Episode #8

Teen Talk: Episode #7

Teen Talk: Episode #6

Teen Talk: Episode #5

Teen Talk: Episode #4

*Teen Talk: Episode #3

Teen Talk Episode #2

Teen Talk Episode #1

For more views by Teen Go Here: Teen Talk

Teen Talk: Episode #7

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Comic by K

We now interrupt our regularly scheduled program to bring you another episode of  Teen Talk.  I assure you, everything you are about to hear is real and unedited. Please, do not try this at home. Unless, you have a gas mask handy.

One day, Teen needed a shower.

Mom:  “Teen, could you take a shower before we go.”

Teen:  “Why?”

Mom:  “Um, lets see, long drive…small car…”

Teen: “Yeah, I get your point.”

Later that day, Teen was in the bathroom.

Mom:  Hey Teen, is that you in the bathroom?”

Teen:  “Yeah.”

Mom:  “I need to get something out of there.”

Teen: “Well, I really don’t recommend coming in here at this particular time.”

Teen draws a conclusion.

Teen: “I’m a growing boy, I smell in ways I never thought possible.”

The End

Teen Talk: Episode #6

Teen Talk: Episode #5

Teen Talk: Episode #4

Teen Talk: Episode #3

Teen Talk Episode #2

Teen Talk Episode #1

For more views by Teen Go Here: Teen Talk

Teen Talk: Episode #6

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We now interrupt our regularly scheduled program to bring you another episode of  Teen Talk.  I assure you, everything you are about to hear is real and unedited. Please, do not try this at home. Unless your Mom has a good sense of humor.

One day, Teen discovered the new chalkboard Mom had put up.

chalkboard3

The End.

Teen Talk: Episode #5

Teen Talk: Episode #4

Teen Talk: Episode #3

Teen Talk Episode #2

Teen Talk Episode #1

For more views by Teen Go Here: Teen Talk

Destroy This Note After Reading

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I try to be home when my kids get home from school.  It is a time I enjoy, hearing about their day, getting the skinny on happenings at school and any drama ensuing.  But, on this particular occasion last week, I knew I would not be home until a few hours past when they had arrived home.  Therefore, being the responsible, sweet and awesome Mom I am (hey, somebody has to say it), I left them a few instructions for when they arrived home and a special after school snack.

Apparently, my husband felt my note needed a few additions.  He is just lucky I love a good laugh!

Are You Mom or Housekeeper?

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If you are not immediately sure of the answer to the question “Are you the Mom or the Housekeeper?” then you are in desperate need of  a personal day and my most recent article on ParentSociety.com may be just the thing: 6 Ways to Pamper Yourself During Mommy Time.

You know the moment when you are knee-deep in laundry and it occurs to you that the job of mom (or in some cases, dad) is more like the job of live-in housekeeper?

I don’t know about you, but before I became a mom, my visions of motherhood went more like little children tripping along behind me, through the grassy meadow, singing in perfect harmony. OK, that might have been “Sound of Music,” but you get my drift.

Well, whenever I begin to overly obsess on the housekeeper aspects of being a mom, which usually comes in the midst of some particularly gross job like scrubbing toothpaste globs out of the carpet, I know it is time for a personal day…

We all need some personal time every now and then. Go Here to get 6 suggestions on how you might spend it.

Go now…what are you waiting for?…the laundry will wait…I promise!

6 Ways to Pamper Yourself During Mommy Time.

Ready, Set, Shop!

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Yesterday was epic.  Bigger than man walking on the moon, the first black president or even, yes,  the joining of chocolate and peanut butter.  Yesterday, my teenage son and I went shopping.  Mind you, not grocery shopping, or all-the-junk-I-don’t-need  Walmart shopping, but to the mall…clothes shopping…for him! Yeah, that just happened.

You see, both my boys hate to shop for clothes.  In fact, I would probably have better luck getting them to paint their nails pink and do a CanCan on the Vegas Strip.  (oh, that is unless there is a video game demo anywhere within a reachable radius).  This being the case, I normally opt for the, purchase what looks to be the right size-bring home for them to try on- return for size that fits, method (I know, I am more saintly than suspected!).

I made the mistake years ago telling my kids the story of how my older brothers would always steer Mom away from any and all clothing displays saying “don’t even look, Mom.”  Consequently, it has become routine whenever we ‘accidentally’ (hey, a girl can try) venture close to any women’s’ accoutrement each boy grabs me by an elbow and hustles me on like a criminal being escorted out of the store, repeating the mantra “don’t even look, Mom, just don’t even look.”

However, the current clothing situation for my growing teen had become dire.  It seemed like all of a sudden, virtually everything he turned up wearing looked like he had wrestled it from some poor, unsuspecting short person. I mean, boys don’t wear ‘daisy dukes’, right?  And with our current drought situation, those ‘floods’ were of no use to him whatsoever.  Therefore, one brave morning, I broached the subject with trepidation:

“I was thinking, maybe you and I should go shopping to get for you some clothes that actually fit?”

(Look of incredulity, like I just suggested we shave the cat or something)

“I promise I will make it quick”

(grunt)

“We will only go to a few places.”

(groan)

“I will only make you try on stuff when absolutely necessary.”

(eye roll)

“I will run you by the army surplus store when we are done?”

(ding ding ding, we had a winner!)

So yesterday, off we went.  I made good on all my promises and at the end of the day we arrived home with a bag full of clothes that actually fit him and, one army issue backpack & canteen.

For me, it was a great day.  I got to utter terms like “v-neck tee”, “contrast stitching” and “skinny or straight leg jean?” and experience on a small scale the Mom/kid shopping outings so long denied.

For him, well, he found a way to make it work.  I believe his exact words at the moment just prior to this photo being taken were

“Hey, like this, shopping isn’t so bad after all!”

Like I said, an epic day…

Teen Talk, Episode #2

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toothfairy

Comic by K

We now interrupt our regularly scheduled program to bring you another installment of Teen Talk.  Everything you are about to hear is real and unedited. Please, do not try this at home.

One day, Teen lost a tooth.

Teen:  “Mom, should I put the tooth under my pillow or will the “Tooth Fairy” (finger quotes) just give me the dollar?”

Mom:  “What? No, put it under your pillow.  The Tooth Fairy only operates one way around here.”

The next day.

Teen:  “Mom!  The “Tooth Fairy” (again with the finger quotes) forgot me.  I was THOROUGHLY NEGLECTED!”

(Back story:  This is now the second time the Tooth Fairy has been caught sleeping – literally – on the job).

Mom:  “Man, that Tooth Fairy is the biggest slacker EVER!  I will have a serious talk with her.  Could you give her one more chance?”

Teen:  “Ok”

The next morning.

Mom: “Soooo, did the Tooth Fairy make good, come through, leave you a dollar?”

Teen:  “Yeah. (pause) But I expected interest.”

The end

For more views by Teen Go Here: Teen Talk

Teen Talk, Episode #1

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Comic by K

We now interrupt our regularly scheduled program to bring you the first installment of Teen Talk.  Be assured, everything you are about to hear is real and unedited.  Please, do not try this at home.

One day at the Walgreens checkout…

Mom:  “Teen, could you please carry the bag?”

Teen:  (picks up bag) “Why do I have to carry the bag?”

Mom:  “Because, you are a guy, and guys carry things for girls.”

Teen:  “Oh.”

Mom: “Except a girl’s purse.  You don’t have to carry a girl’s purse.”

Teen:  “Right, there is no need for that kind of shame until you’re married!”

The end

For more views by Teen Go Here: Teen Talk

Ode to Chris the Caveman

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My son was an action figure connoisseur of sorts.  As a kid, he spent hours engaged in elaborate battles with his huge collection.  These ‘campaigns’ would continue for days on end and until completion, I was not allowed to alter their tactical arrangement in any way.  In the majority of these battles, an action figure he named Chris the Caveman (of mysterious origins) was invariably the leader and subsequent conqueror.  I asked my son once, why?, and he replied that his battles required super-hero strength against extreme powers and Chris with his ripped muscles seemed like the man for the job…

Head over to Mamapedia, where I am honored to be a featured writer today, to find out how Chris the Caveman  aides in this Mom’s fight against the most powerful, and sneaky opponent of all time!

Go here!

I Am Thankful for Bad Spelling

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Yesterday, I had an epiphany – a revelation.  You know, one of those moments when everything becomes clear.  The Catalyst?   – My Grocery List.

Now, I recognize that having an epiphany over a grocery list is not, well, the norm.  But, in the moment I looked at my list that day while standing in front of the grocery store, I happened to be thinking about my son’s struggle at school with the neatness of his work.  And, when I looked down at my confusing, messy, helter-skelter list, it suddenly dawned on me – Genetics can be so very cruel.

The thought instantly led me to begin a mental check list through all the ways in which Mother Nature had potentially failed my sons.

I thought about:

Every time one of my sons comes home, yet again, lacking the needed details that were clearly discussed but not absorbed by him, and I can hear my successive childhood “I don’t know”s to my Mom in her quest to discover times, details or specifics.

Every time my son struggles with spelling and I have to run for the spelling dictionary I was sent off to college with oh so many years ago.

Every time one of them finds themselves separated from classmates due to excessive in-class socializing and I get a mental flashback of the solitary desk in the corner where I spent a good part of the 6th grade.

Every time their obsessive love for a particular activity keeps me on permanent chauffer status and I realize how well and for how long my own Mom had to wear that hat.

And as all of these things quickly ran through my mind, I couldn’t help but feel a twinge of…Thankfulness.

Yes, thankfulness.  Because, as I stood there, poised at the automatic glass doors, grinning like a dork in front of the Boy Scouts and  the all too premature ringing Santa, I felt:

Thankful for all the imperfections I have shared with them.

Thankful for all the struggles I get to go through with them.

Thankful that no-one else in the world is quite like them.

Thankful because the proof that they are part of me is never so apparent as in our shared imperfections.

Thankful that they are wonderfully, beautifully, magnificently,  perfect…in every single way.

Happy Thanksgiving

If You Give a Chick a Shopping Trip

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An intermingled ode to a favorite bedtime story my Grandma Ruth used to tell, some of my fondest ‘chick’ memories with my Mom, and loved children’s book author, Laura Numeroff of the If You Give a Moose a Muffin fame.

If you give a Chick a Shopping Trip, she will want to go right away.

She will want to go to the mall.

When she gets there, she will decide she needs to buy something.

She will want to go to her favorite department store.

At the department store, she will see a beautiful dress in the window.  When she sees the beautiful dress, she will decide she needs beautiful shoes to go with it.

On her way to the register to buy the beautiful dress and the beautiful shoes to go with it, she will try all the perfume samples.  She will probably smell funny.

Before she reaches the register, it is entirely possible she will see a beautiful coat to match the beautiful dress and beautiful shoes.

She will buy the beautiful dress, the beautiful shoes and the beautiful coat to match.

Shopping will make her hungry and she will want to go to lunch.  When she gets to the café, she will order a Vanilla Coke.

Drinking the Vanilla Coke at the café will remind her of her Mom and all the shopping trips they have taken together.  Thinking of her Mom will make her homesick and she will want to go home for a visit.

When she gets home, she will want to give her Mom a present. She will give her Mom the beautiful dress, the beautiful shoes and the beautiful coat to match. She will insist her Mom try them on right away.

Seeing her Mom in the beautiful dress, the beautiful shoes and the beautiful coat, will remind her of their shopping trips.

She will want to go on one right away. She will want her Mom to come.

When she and her Mom go on the shopping trip they will see a beautiful dress in the window.

And chances are, when they see the beautiful dress in the window, they will need beautiful shoes to go with it, and a beautiful coat to match.

Happy Birthday, Mom