Category Archives: Humor

6 Budget Activities to Do With Kids in the UK

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For those of you not sick of hearing about my trip to the UK yet (I hope there are at least 2 of you left), my article 6 Budget Activities to Do With Kids in the UK is running on ParentSociety.com today.  It starts out like this…

Ok, here it is people: the truth about travel with kids. You can plan and plan and plan until you are blue in the face. You can research activities you hope your kids will find intriguing until you are bleary-eyed. You can root out every possible fun activity there is until your head is spinning. But no matter how much work you do to entertain your kids on a vacation, the sad reality is that in the end it doesn’t matter. No matter what you do, those slippery little suckers will end up liking some random activity better.

Now, come on, doesn’t that make you the least bit curious?  Wee bit?  Go Here!

6 Budget Activities to Do with Kids in the UK

Other travel musings:

Sweet Spots: UK

Leaving My Heart (& “the Cheeseman”) in Hamburg

Don’t Worry, I Speak the Language

Round ’em Up Son: All is Good in Wales

For more Sweet Spot Travels: Go Here!

Round ’em Up Son: All is Good in Wales

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After a long trip, the question I am most asked by friends and family is “What is your name, again?” No, not really, the big 5 question is always, “What was your favorite thing on the trip?”

It is funny, but even though many activities and places will jump out as highlights on a trip, there is always one glaring favorite – the place I most want to go back to, soon.  The place I  want to be instantly instead of going back to work or doing laundry or cooking or cleaning or shaving or… well, you get the picture.  For me on this particular trip, it was Wales.

While it is true that there are in inordinate amount of sheep in Wales (seriously, they could go Animal Farm and take over if they were thus motivated).

And yes, it is also true that it is really rainy (ok, you can’t see the rain but trust me…it poured).

(Calwy Castle)

and windy

(Beaumaris, Anglesey Island)

and foggy a majority of the time

(Snowdon Mountains)

But even with all that – it is just so  darn BEAUTIFUL.

(Llandudno, Wales)

And somehow, the beauty is all tied up together in one big, green wonderland – sheep, rain, wind, fog and all.

So, save a spot on that green spongy grass for me.  I will be back.

Don’t Worry, I Speak the Language

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I told my kids on the eve of our recent trip abroad to the UK – “don’t worry, I am fluent in the language.”  The fact that my kids looked at me like I was a complete imbecile (a mastered skill) did not for one second daunt my laughter (which was about on par with the reaction received when in London, after asking specifically for “lots of ice” in his coke, my husband received five – count ‘em – five cubes of ice in his glass).

These experiences are all the things about travel to other countries that I love. And even though I invariably return home with an  understanding of the culture and life in the countries visited, I also always return with some burning unanswered questions – The kind that will in all likelihood, always remain a mystery.

Here are  5 from the recent adventure.

1. The Barber Shop.  There are an inordinate amount of Barbershops in the UK.  Not beauty salons mind you, but barbershops everywhere you turn.  Why is this?  Do the English have an aversion to unwanted hair?  Does the rain stimulate unnatural follicle growth?  Even our English friends were at a loss to explain this phenomenon.  However, this particular Barbershop in Salisbury really had us baffled.  I suppose it is possible he was just trying to stand out in a sea of Barbers (better than the Sweeney Todd approach, I guess).

2. The Statue.  Naked man statue on roof of building in Oxford – I think he wants to jump.

3. The Language. You know you are in Wales when you begin to see names of towns like this:

Ystradgynlais

Betws-y-coed

Trawsfynydd

Blaenau Ffestiniog

Tyywsdllopyddefghjkmnopqurstyz (ok, this isn’t one, but a Welshman  could probably pronounce it anyway).

But hey, they do have some pretty cool castles – and you don’t have to know how to pronounce the name to enter.

4. The Cows.  “Here in Amsterdam, we like to let our milk cows walk on the ceiling.  We are just bovine-friendly that way.”

5. The Fountain.  Bird bath or water fountain? Only the true Amsterdammers know for sure.  We stood and pondered for a long time, but in the end, survival of the fittest was the name of game that day.

For more Sweet Spot Travels: Go Here!

 

 

Leaving My Heart (and “the Cheeseman”) in Hamburg, Germany

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In the middle of a whirlwind tour of the UK, we flew to Hamburg, Germany (boy are our arms tired, ha) to visit friends. For the duration of our stay in Hamburg, we didn’t stay in hotels, tour many historic sites, or contribute to the tourist traps.  Instead, we squeezed into our German friends’ lives – ate homemade meals with them, played on the Elbe River together, shopped, talked, laughed and learned more about each other.  The best kind of travel – Travel with the heart.

On my final night in Hamburg, it became glaringly apparent, I must return to Hamburg – to be with my friends again, to  partake of the wonderful Northern German gastro delights of fresh fish, cheeses, meats and breads, and to play in the Elbe River once more.  But there is also an infinitely more dire reason I must make a reappearance in Hamburg. I must return to see “the cheeseman”.  You see, upon the eve of my departure I learned that “the cheeseman”  is Brad Pitt – David Beckham – Channing Tatum – Ryan Lochte all rolled into one glorious package selling, what else but cheese, at the local market.  Unfortunately, I did not learn this little nugget of hunk-alert (yes, I have a husband, but who doesn’t enjoy a good view every now and again) information until our farewell dinner where, upon learning that I had in fact been to the local market that very day, it was quickly discovered I had failed to purchase any cheese or even approach the cheese stand. The women in attendance began to exclaim…

“Ah, you have been to the market, did you see “the cheeseman”?

“What? I can’t believe you did not see “the cheeseman!”

“Oh, “the cheeseman”.

“He is so beautiful; “the cheeseman” should give up his life of cheese and be in movies”

“I order my cheese very slowly just so I can stay longer staring at “the cheeseman”.

“ ‘The cheeseman’s’ Dad isn’t so hard to look at either!”

So you see, clearly, my Hamburg experience is not yet complete! I will have to return, very soon, before “the cheeseman” runs off to Hollywood.

Some favorite pictures:

Playing Viking Chess on the banks of the Elbe River…to an audience.

Seeing off the Queen Mary 2 as it leaves the Hamburg Harbor.

100 year old underground tunnel, crossing underneath the Elbe River.

Playing and swimming on the Elbe River as massive ships cruise by on their way out to sea.

Making discoveries.

Time to sail on, for now.

For more Sweet Spot Travels: Go Here!

Boy Meets Tree

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It’s only funny until someone gets hurt, then it is hilarious

Rest assured – boy is tough, boy walked away with only a few scratches, boy then biked 9 miles down a treacherous mountain trail,

boy thought the video hysterical!

It is always good to laugh, even  especially when it is at yourself.

Sweet Spot: Marlette Lake – Lake Tahoe, CA

For more Sweet Spot Travels: Go Here!

Sweet Spot: Marlette Lake – Lake Tahoe, California

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Truly breathtaking spot.  Want to go there?  Well, no cars are allowed, not even any roads, just trails. So here is what you need to do:

1.  Rent or bring a bike with lots and lots of suspension (unless you want your ya-ya parts to be screaming in agony the next day).

2.  Get up at the crack of dawn…(ok, or a few hours past the crack if you are like me and choose not to function any earlier than that!).

3.  Wear sunscreen (sun, high altitude and all).

4.  Wear bug spray ( I swear the mosquitos are as big as bald eagles up there!).

5.  Bike about 4 miles up hill (yes, really all uphill), to arrive at Marlette Lake.

6.  Leave your vertigo at home because the most exhilarating way down the mountain is to bike the 9 mile Flume Trail – an ant-trail sized path, apx 7800 elevation, along the side of Sierra Mountains with breathtaking views of Lake Tahoe (uhh, don’t miss the trail, it s a long way down the hard way!).

7. And, when you finally make those arduous 3 to 4 miles up hill (for a special treat, the steepest part is saved for the last mile)  and before the long scenic cruise down hill (hopefully on the path and not down the side of the mountain)…don’t forget to take a swim.

For this sweet spot, the entire journey is more than worth it!

Oh, and on the chance you happen across the rope swing at Marlette Lake, better view this:  Boy Meets Tree

For more Sweet Spot Travels: Go Here!

Glutton for Punishment: aka Airplane Travel with Kids

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Planning an airplane trip anytime soon with your kids?  Well, if you are ever going to entertain the idea or have had the potentially not-so-pleasureable experience already – better skedaddle on over to ParentSociety.com where today I am sharing

10 Travel Items to Never Leave Home Without

My husband and I have always loved to travel. Therefore, since the time our kids were babies we have dragged them all over the USA and abroad. As with all things, doing any activity with kids involved is, to put it mildly, different. Throughout the years, I have developed a mental checklist of items I never leave home without.  Most All of these suggestions have been learned the hard way, through the rough road of experience (as in sometimes, there was not even a road, just a trail with big ruts).

Some or all of these items may just save you from a few more grey hairs! GREY HAIRS I SAID! What are you waiting for??!  Go Here! Quick!

Some of my early travel experiences When All Else Fails, Cry.

For more Sweet Spot Travels: Go Here!

The Freezer Club

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Have you ever heard of  The Freezer Club?  Well, if your first thought runs to some strange club that meets in a deep freeze, or group of people who text while sitting in the refridgerator, you better hurry on over to ParentSociety.com.

My most recent article Why You Should Join the Freezer Club explains in detail about a little discovery I made last week while…

... away from home at a baseball field in over 100 degree heat, getting bitten by bugs, coated in dust and desiring to rip all my clothes off in order to stop them from sticking to me (although I worried such a display might throw off my kids batting).

Trust me – it is a good discovery and quite possibly the most innovative idea I have come across in a long time with regards to feeding a family in a way that is all at once healthy, economical and fun! Go here!

Why You Should Join the Freezer Club

My other forays into cooking:  Where’s the Beef?

Today’s Best Moment: Friday 7/20

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Being a baseball parent can be rough, let me tell you.

The endless season, the stress and worry, the out-of-hand sports parents, the small town tournaments, the bad hotels,the can-never-please parents attacking coach husband, the countless hours washing and washing and washing uniforms, the  multitude of practices, the driving, the hot sun, the heartbreaking losses, and the list goes on.

But every once in a while something happens.

A bright spot.

And I am not talking about wins or successes (although clearly, those are good, too).

No, this is an event infinitely more powerful.

When  least expected, I get to see my husband do something like  this:

And suddenly, in that moment, I know it is all worth it.

Confessions of a Shopaholic

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My most recent article on ParentSociety.com deals with something very near and dear to my heart, a favored activity if you will, something my son abhors but my Mom and I always adored …shopping.

I know, I know, not my usual literary contribution (’cause usually I write ‘high and mighty’ posts such as  Show Me Your Weenus), but I felt like sharing some of my favorite discount shopping sites this week with readers in  My Top 5 Discount Shopping Sites. (you can thank me or curse me later).

It starts out like this:

Hi, my name is Paula, I am a shopaholic.

Yes, it is true. But don’t plan an intervention just yet. For, you see, I am very content in my addiction. Happy, even.

So, if you are a shopaholic like me, shopping enthusiast, or just plain curious, go HERE to read the rest and find out 5 places to find a good deal.

My Top 5 Discount Shopping Sites

6 Reasons to Reconsider Being Man’s Best Friend

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Two years ago my son was granted permission to buy a dart board because, well, truthfully the reason completely alludes me now (more proof of too many brain cells destroyed prior to or as a result of motherhood).

No sooner had the dart board been placed on the wall when an argument commenced between my two boys bringing to mind a long ago fight between my then teen brothers involving the last frozen pizza and proof that a pizza cutter can stick in a wall when thrown with conviction.  But I digress.  Back to my boys, I arrived on the scene to find them  with smoke coming out of their ears (descriptively speaking, of course), darts clenched in hands and a shattered window with a suspiciously small hole the size of um, a dart.

Well, turning darts into weapons of mass destruction definitely called for an all-out ban on all dart board usage for an indeterminate amount of time.

However, finally the amount of time (2 years as it turned out) was determined when I arrived home to find the dart board placed on the wall (far from any windows this time) and darts actually being thrown at the dart board and not each other (shocking!).

Which brings me (finally, I know) to the point of my story.  You see, my boys and I commenced in a rousing game of round robin darts.  It very quickly came to my attention that our border collie had chosen a particular spot from which to observe the action.  No matter how hard we tried to get her to move, she would not be budged.

Why is this a problem, you ask?  I can offer not 1, not 2, but 6 excellent reasons my dog should reconsider:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

As you see, our proficiency in darts is, in a word, lacking.  So either our dog is devoid of all common sense and intelligence or is truly Man’s Best Friend with an unflagging amount of faith in us.  Honestly, I am torn.  My dog is an excellent watch dog and can take down a UPS man with the best of them, but she also eats cat poop.

In closing, allow me to add that our cat chose a spot just around the corner where she was positively safe from stray dart harm but still had an eagle eye view of dog…just in case?

Maybe, just maybe, the whole Man’s Best Friend gig just isn’t what it’s cracked up to be…but don’t tell my dog.

Ready, Set, Shop!

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Yesterday was epic.  Bigger than man walking on the moon, the first black president or even, yes,  the joining of chocolate and peanut butter.  Yesterday, my teenage son and I went shopping.  Mind you, not grocery shopping, or all-the-junk-I-don’t-need  Walmart shopping, but to the mall…clothes shopping…for him! Yeah, that just happened.

You see, both my boys hate to shop for clothes.  In fact, I would probably have better luck getting them to paint their nails pink and do a CanCan on the Vegas Strip.  (oh, that is unless there is a video game demo anywhere within a reachable radius).  This being the case, I normally opt for the, purchase what looks to be the right size-bring home for them to try on- return for size that fits, method (I know, I am more saintly than suspected!).

I made the mistake years ago telling my kids the story of how my older brothers would always steer Mom away from any and all clothing displays saying “don’t even look, Mom.”  Consequently, it has become routine whenever we ‘accidentally’ (hey, a girl can try) venture close to any women’s’ accoutrement each boy grabs me by an elbow and hustles me on like a criminal being escorted out of the store, repeating the mantra “don’t even look, Mom, just don’t even look.”

However, the current clothing situation for my growing teen had become dire.  It seemed like all of a sudden, virtually everything he turned up wearing looked like he had wrestled it from some poor, unsuspecting short person. I mean, boys don’t wear ‘daisy dukes’, right?  And with our current drought situation, those ‘floods’ were of no use to him whatsoever.  Therefore, one brave morning, I broached the subject with trepidation:

“I was thinking, maybe you and I should go shopping to get for you some clothes that actually fit?”

(Look of incredulity, like I just suggested we shave the cat or something)

“I promise I will make it quick”

(grunt)

“We will only go to a few places.”

(groan)

“I will only make you try on stuff when absolutely necessary.”

(eye roll)

“I will run you by the army surplus store when we are done?”

(ding ding ding, we had a winner!)

So yesterday, off we went.  I made good on all my promises and at the end of the day we arrived home with a bag full of clothes that actually fit him and, one army issue backpack & canteen.

For me, it was a great day.  I got to utter terms like “v-neck tee”, “contrast stitching” and “skinny or straight leg jean?” and experience on a small scale the Mom/kid shopping outings so long denied.

For him, well, he found a way to make it work.  I believe his exact words at the moment just prior to this photo being taken were

“Hey, like this, shopping isn’t so bad after all!”

Like I said, an epic day…

It’s All Spicoli’s Fault

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Did you know Spicoli from the movie Fast Times At Ridgemont High is responsible for increased Marijuana use in teens today?  Ok well, not exactly but it is amazing what one can accomplish with a little circular logic! Hey, it is the internet, I can make up anything I want, right?

Alright, alright, there might be a little scientific information thrown into my recent article just for good measure!

My most recent article on Parentsociety.com “Are You Ambivalent About Marijuana Use?” explores the possibility that, as parents of a certain age, our perception of the big M is contributing to the increased use by our teens.

Marijuana, or as my son likes to call it, “mar-i-ji-hwana,” is a drug parents of a certain age are well familiar with. We all had friends who smoked it, we laughed about “stoners,”and maybe we even partook of it ourselves a time or two …  I recently realized I tend to look on the little dried plant as a chihuahua among a brood of bulldogs where drugs are concerned.

Oh, and don’t miss the 8 little tips at the end.  They are gems, I tell you, gems!

Go Here!

“Are You Ambivalent About Marijuana Use?”

‘Til Death Do Us Part, Which May Be Sooner Than You Think

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Yesterday was my 16th wedding anniversary.  Yesterday, I wanted to strangle my husband. Ok, hold on, don’t send for “the Po Po” just yet (and for those of you who don’t speak 10 year old – “the Police”). Contrary to what you might be thinking, it is not because he had not gotten me a gift (which he hadn’t) or card (again, nope) but because he promised a favor.

You see, my husband is one of those good guys.  Therefore when our elderly neighbor asked my husband to drive her 2 hours to the airport to meet and pick up her adult son and then drive them the 2 hours back, he, of course, agreed.  However, at the moment of acquiescing, he did not realize two things.  One, the day in question was our anniversary and two, he would be called to one of those can’t-miss-on-penalty-of-death type meetings.

So, I guess you are thinking I was ready to commit husband strangulation because he forgot our anniversary.  But, the truth is, I forgot too.  No, what got my undies all in a bundle was the fact that now, in light of the meeting, his saintly gesture to our neighbor now fell to me to execute and well, I am just not that saintly.  Nonetheless, execute I did!

Really, I am not as big a twirp as I sound.  At the time agreed, I met my neighbor with a smile, assured her it was no big deal when she thanked me on the outset of our trip and declared me over-the-top neighborly (ha, if she only knew).

At first, we played telephone on the long drive to the airport,

“Did you have dinner?”

“Who did you say was thinner?”

“No, I asked, DID YOU HAVE DINNER?”

“Oh, I am not much of a singer.”

Then, we opted for silence.

We arrived right on schedule… 40 min before the flight arrived.

We parked and waited at the gate for arrival.

With my neighbors son in tow, we slowly walked to baggage claim, waited,  and then slowly back to the parked car.  I paused for them at the crosswalk while a pair of turtles hurried past (ok, she has an excuse – at 90 you are allowed to walk any speed you want and I guess he was just tired).

On the 2 hour eternity ride home, we played more telephone. But after my best sorority-girl conversation starters fell like a drunk man off a roof, we rode in awkward silence.  That is until out of nowhere, like we were about to be in a 10 car pile up, my elderly neighbor’s son shouted “THERE IT IS” pointing out our approaching exit (like I didn’t know that since I had been counting the mile markers for about the last 35 miles).

Finally, we arrived back.  I wished them a good visit and went home.

When I arrived at my house, I was ready to tell my husband all about my eventful “good deed” – the pain, the suffering, the agonizing silence, the rousing games of telephone. But, no one was home.  My husband still at his meeting, kids still at their assigned places.  Then, on the table, I saw this:

What is it they say, no good deed goes unpunished?  That may be true, but  it wasn’t all bad. Flowers, presents, and a happy elderly neighbor… yeah, I suppose I came out alright, possibly even ahead.

4 Things to Know About Raising Country Kids

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Yes, I seem to be running a theme of Country Living lately (Top 10 Clues You Are Not Cut Out For Country Life).  No rhyme or reason, just where my brain is roaming around on these hot summer days leading up to Fourth of July!

Today, my most recent article about raising country kids is running over at ParentSociety.com.

I grew up in the suburbs, lived in the city, and then moved to the country when my kids came along. I did not expect there to be any difference when it came to raising my kids in the country as opposed to the city/suburbs. Kids are kids, how different could it be? But I am here to tell you I was naive as a turkey on Thanksgiving…

Yes, I was naive – but my kids have educated me well.  I mean really, who needs shoes or a license to drive anyway?  Have I said to much?  Alright, already, just go read this quick little piece and find out the rest!  Whether you are planning on ever being a Country Parent or not, you just might be glad you did! Go Here!

4 Things to Know About Raising Country Kids

Today’s Best Moment: Friday, 6/29

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Today, actually a few minutes ago, I asked my son to climb one of his favorite trees so I could take a picture for an upcoming blog post.  He quickly scaled his tree like no monkey ever could.  I was suddenly reminded of a moment when he was around 6 years old. My Mom, Grandma,  was visiting.  Grandma went outside to see what he was doing and found him as high up in his tree as was possible to get.

Grandma called up to him:

 “You are so high, could you come down, I am afraid for you”

To which my son, without missing a beat, replied:

“Grandma, you will just have to conquer your fears.”

My Mom and I still laugh about it.

I hope his tree lives forever.

Top 10 Clues You Are Not Cut Out for Country Life

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So, you think you can cut it in the country?  Yeah, well that is what I thought, too.  However, last week after dissolving in tears upon committing vehicular skunk-slaughter, it became glaringly clear you can “Take the girl out of the city, but…”.  (I mean really, the poor creature was just trying to, shall we say, get to the other side).

Therefore, just in case you may have the bright idea to a switch to rural life anytime in the future, allow me to bestow upon you the benefit of first-hand experience!

Top 10 Clues you are not cut out for Country Life.

10.  You cry over road kill.  Including the skunk that assured your car would never smell the same again.

9. You shudder when instructed to park your car on the grass – even though it is already filled with cars, trucks and ATVs.

8.  You think wearing 4 inch wedges to a hayride is a feasible alternative to high heeled pumps. But, at least you learn the purpose for the warning “beware the steaming rocks”.

7.  You look at your kid like he is Jack the Ripper when requested to gut and cook the fish he caught.

6.  You feel compelled to declare the yard an animal sanctuary…from your kids.

5.  Your car and a deer leaping out of the woods collide – you are dismayed over the deer’s injuries but completely unconcerned by the fact your car is now totaled.

4.  You don’t like red meat. But, you try to keep this one under wraps on the off chance there really is some truth to the “ride out of town on a rail” rumor. (oh, and on a side note: You never mention that “vegetarian” word)

3.  You have a maniacal fear of mini-blood-sucking-demons-from-hell,  also known as  Tics.

2.  You are not a fan of dirt/dust/mud/gravel/snow/ice – they interfere with your shoe choices.

and last but not least…

1.  You are at a loss as to how to respond to the question “Do you want ½ a cow?” because you are busy picturing which half and how a cow stands up with only two legs.

If you still decide to give the country a go, I wish you luck and may you never feel the sting (or smell the smell) of skunk road kill.

4 Reasons Parents Should Get A Life

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Yes, folks, it is that time again!  The time of the week when I drop a few words over at my home away from home – aka: ParentSociety.com.  Today I am talking about why all parents – yes, myself included – should Get a Life!

It starts out something like this:

Becoming a first-time mom late in life means two things:  First, my grandkids will have a super cool walker to climb on and second, I had an activity-filled life before my kids ever came along. For me, this included many aspects of theater and performing. However, I always knew when I became parent, I wanted to give my kids full and undivided attention. So when the kiddos came along, I put those extracurricular activities on hold.

But, then things changed and no, I did not “run off to join a geriatric production of “CATS”…or worse.  As usual, you will just have to go HERE to get the rest of the story and of course the 4 “pearls of wisdom” as to why as parents, we should all Get a Life!

4 Reasons All Parents Should Get a Life!

Today’s Best Moment: Wednesday, 6/20

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I am having trouble keeping up with work and writing this summer. Could it be that I am doing too much of this…? One can only ponder.