Tag Archives: soccer mom van

I Used to Be Cool Like That – Then I Needed Groceries

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Last weekend, I had a “moment” – one of those times when you are standing somewhere random, like say in this case, the grocery store, and you all of a sudden wonder how the heck you got there.  I don’t mean physically, because of course I drove there in my not-so-cool-but-can-still-peel-out-in soccer mom van.  But rather, “got there” in the metaphysical sense.

You see, at the moment of my epiphany, I was pushing my huge, over -flowing cart around the grocery store…on a Saturday(wait it gets worse)…on a Saturday night… thinking nothing of it until that very moment.

It suddenly dawned on me, how and when exactly did this happen?  I mean really, I think there was a time when my life was way cooler than that!  A time when I would not have been caught dead in the grocery store with a full cart of groceries, on a Saturday night! There was a time when I actually did stuff on Saturday night.

Back in the day on a Saturday night, I actually saw movies in a movie theater – you know, with a big screen, other people, and without animation or battling robots.

If I was awake when the sun came up it was because I never went to sleep.

I wore mini-skirts with abandon and leggings as pants (not necessarily together) and played beach volleyball on the weekend (not in the mini-skirt or leggings…usually) after those late Saturday nights.

I drove a car with a turbo engine (that is, until it caught fire and burned up, which wasn’t so cool).

I had red leather pants, and wore them…with a matching red jacket. (picture it, I dare you).

I did photo shoots like this…

That there is some awesome big hair!

That there is some awesome big hair!
Mystery City: Rod Boyum, Brad Wilson, Paula Benedetti (Danner), John Pagano, Paul Franks

And then rocked out on the Sunset Strip.

Mystery City at Gazzarris, Sunset strip, Los Angeles.Paula Benedetti (Danner) and Brad Wilson

Mystery City at Gazzarris, Sunset strip, Los Angeles.
Paula Benedetti (Danner) and Brad Wilson

All the way home in the car I thought about this life change and how it seemed to happen overnight – even though it has been way, way, way longer (did I mention, way longer)

When I arrived home, the first thing I noticed was that while I was gone, my husband had moved his car so I could have the best spot in the driveway.

Then, my dog ran out into the freezing cold and onto the snow covered ground to enthusiastically welcome me home (the cat at least came to the window to observe, I am sure she was happy to see me… I buy the treats).

Inside, Pre-teen gave me a huge hug hello as if I had been gone 24 hours instead of just 3.

Kids and husband brought in all the groceries and while I was putting them away, Teen informed me a movie we wanted to watch together was coming on pay-per-view in 25 minutes.

Teen made the popcorn for everyone and helped me quickly finish putting away the groceries so we could all watch the movie.

So I am thinking, maybe I am still just a little bit cool like that.  At least they seem to think so.  And probably, hopefully, most definitely, theirs is the only opinion that matters.

And anyway, I think I could still rock out,  wearing mini-skirt or leggings, while playing beach volleyball…

That is, if I really wanted to.

Related post:  Fear of Full Disclosure

New Years Non-Resolutions

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Yeah, I know the New Years Resolution Bus has passed.  However, due to the fact that my Christmas Cards invariably hit the ground running about mid-January, I decided to claim end of the year procrastination as a “tradition” and forge ahead.  Besides I was occupied between Christmas and New Years combating a bunch of kids for a patch of mountain on which to ride my board (hey, I only took out a few…that I know of) -man-made snow, quite the hot commodity.

Anyway, I will make this easy.  I do NOT make New Years Resolutions.  Not since, after occupying Los Angeles for 10 years, I Resolved to give up using the F bomb – which has led me to a lifelong, frustrating and futile search for its replacement equal.

Therefore, here are my 6 New Years NON-Resolutions:

I will NOT drink more water.  Let’s face it, at a certain age the Pee Pee dance is no longer cute and becomes potentially hazardous. (If you are not getting a mental picture here, just give it a few years).

I WILL add to my embarrassingly large, spilling out of the closet, “yes, honey, I swear I got that for a good price” denim collection. However, as an attached rider, I renew my vow to shun all things bearing the name “Jegging” and I will pass on the new “Ass-Cam” now being installed in select designer denim fitting rooms.

I WILL eat sugar in my coffee, in my soda, in my desserts, in my snacks; Even if it means the possible acquisition of a JLo Butt (wait, maybe I should re-think that Ass-Cam…?).  “I’ll have boobs to go with that butt please.”

I will NOT give up the right to throw things when the situation demands.  For example, kids’ shoes I have tripped over a cajillion times, malfunctioning machines (full confession coming soon), cat that lies right in the middle of the room (jk – of course I would not throw my cat…she’s too fat.)

I WILL cook way more pasta then anyone wants to eat.  Furthermore, I WILL, in a fit of thinking I am the next Pioneer Woman, mangle some poor unsuspecting piece of beef, force my family to eat it, and expect them to give me praise.
Lastly, I WILL, in my totally un-cool Soccer Mom van, peel out when local teens make fun, bump into curbs, back into low concrete walls and drive over the grass on the side of our new driveway that hubby is desperately trying to grow.  Because, well, that’s how I roll.

Happy 2012.  May all of your New Years Non-Resolutions be a success!