Top 10 Clues You Are Not Cut Out for Country Life

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So, you think you can cut it in the country?  Yeah, well that is what I thought, too.  However, last week after dissolving in tears upon committing vehicular skunk-slaughter, it became glaringly clear you can “Take the girl out of the city, but…”.  (I mean really, the poor creature was just trying to, shall we say, get to the other side).

Therefore, just in case you may have the bright idea to a switch to rural life anytime in the future, allow me to bestow upon you the benefit of first-hand experience!

Top 10 Clues you are not cut out for Country Life.

10.  You cry over road kill.  Including the skunk that assured your car would never smell the same again.

9. You shudder when instructed to park your car on the grass – even though it is already filled with cars, trucks and ATVs.

8.  You think wearing 4 inch wedges to a hayride is a feasible alternative to high heeled pumps. But, at least you learn the purpose for the warning “beware the steaming rocks”.

7.  You look at your kid like he is Jack the Ripper when requested to gut and cook the fish he caught.

6.  You feel compelled to declare the yard an animal sanctuary…from your kids.

5.  Your car and a deer leaping out of the woods collide – you are dismayed over the deer’s injuries but completely unconcerned by the fact your car is now totaled.

4.  You don’t like red meat. But, you try to keep this one under wraps on the off chance there really is some truth to the “ride out of town on a rail” rumor. (oh, and on a side note: You never mention that “vegetarian” word)

3.  You have a maniacal fear of mini-blood-sucking-demons-from-hell,  also known as  Tics.

2.  You are not a fan of dirt/dust/mud/gravel/snow/ice – they interfere with your shoe choices.

and last but not least…

1.  You are at a loss as to how to respond to the question “Do you want ½ a cow?” because you are busy picturing which half and how a cow stands up with only two legs.

If you still decide to give the country a go, I wish you luck and may you never feel the sting (or smell the smell) of skunk road kill.

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15 responses

  1. Haha! I love it. I did the country thing for about 2 years. It was definitely not for me!

  2. The most tramatic part of visiting my parents in the country is I can’t wear heels the whole time. No sidewalks anywhere! It’s the only place I don’t have to bring a suitcase for my shoes – just running shoes and flipflops/boots (depending on the season). My family is used to my preferance for plant parts but when we go to anyone else’s home there it is definitely Meats R Us!

    • ha! Yes, the shoe thing in the country is definitely a problem – I can find times to wear my heels and wedges and nicer boots, but it takes effort. planning and a little bit of crazy!

  3. Sign me up. It’s all for me! Except for the cow thing because I too dont’ eat red meat. BUt I would take half a pig. Found you at finding the funny.

  4. Pingback: 4 Things to Know About Raising Country Kids « Looking for the Sweet Spot

  5. I can soooo relate! My family moved to rural GA (after growing up in metro DC/MD) yrs. ago, when I was a teen. I recall asking, “Daddy, where’s the shopping mall”? Turns out, there were not stores, & the mall was over an hour away! I think of us as being pioneers, early settlers of the area. :) Of course, now I’m living in the city, again. Thanks for sharing, & making me smile!!

  6. You said TICS!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHH!!! Tics are DISGUSTING. So, so gross. Yeah, I think you about got it with that list. The gutting of the fish also makes me want to chug a gallon of Pepto Bismol. After all of this ranting, can you believe that I actually like to camp??

    (Thanks for linking this up with us over at #findingthefunny last week!)